‘Our earthly dads will let us down, they may have abandoned us, failed to protect us or been abusive. When that’s the case, it’s very difficult not to perceive our heavenly dad through the same lens,’ says Samantha Bailie-McMurdock.
Many of us had earthly fathers who were undemonstrative or provided conditional love. Growing up in a home where my dad exhibited affection only when I’d achieved a significant goal, I never felt that true security that unconditional love affords. I forgive him and looking back, now he’s passed away 12 months, I recognise he had his own difficulties. Nonetheless, it has left me with ‘daddy issues’ but not in the quintessential, psychological sense caricatured in movies where the ‘needy’ female seeks validation from older men. No, my ‘daddy issue’ was that I couldn’t comprehend the father’s love - and by that I mean God’s love. I couldn’t fathom it.
I would find myself ‘hiding’ from God when I believed I wasn’t giving him 100%
Coming from a background where earning first place ensured praise and anything less yielded disappointment, I would find myself ‘hiding’ from God when I believed I wasn’t giving him 100% - this, of course was affecting my spiritual life, sometimes for days or even weeks at a time. Of course, God isn’t shocked by anything we do and he certainly isn’t waiting to show his disappointment if we haven’t read our Bible that day. Just meditate on Psalm 139 and that imparts all the assurance you need. But reflecting on my life (as you tend to do after a death) I’m acutely aware we need to be rooted in love to understand his perfect love and because my view of daddy’s affection was based on achievement - and not just being his daughter, I was spending large chunks of my time not feeling worthy of my Heavenly Father’s love.
Something was not right. Family started to notice I would volunteer for too many things and feel dreadful if I couldn’t find the time to serve. After a chat with my pastor - and my therapist (who also happens to be a Christian) it emerged that I was “waiting on punishment” if I was not giving myself 100% all the time and individually, they explained the same core message - that God loves me and he’s not waiting on me to fail so he can pounce and tell me I haven’t done my best. No, he is my Abba - he is my daddy and he loves me - he loves messy, disorganised old me and expects nothing from me except my handing my imperfect life into his hands to guide me in his love. Ephesians 3:17 says, that we are being, …”rooted and grounded in love.” In Romans 5:8 the verse illustrates that when we were doing absolutely nothing, God showed his love for us by Christ dying for us.
I love Romans 8:15 where Abba Father is mentioned in relation to the Holy Spirit’s work of adoption that makes me God’s daughter and heir with Christ
I love Romans 8:15 where Abba Father is mentioned in relation to the Holy Spirit’s work of adoption that makes me God’s daughter and heir with Christ:“For ye have not received the spirit of bondage again to fear; but ye have received the Spirit of adoption, whereby we cry, Abba, Father.” Romans 8:15
READ MORE: Three things my atheist dad taught me about God
I have learned to love my heavenly father and I lay my full weight on him. In Jeremiah 31:3 I see he has loved me with an everlasting love. I don’t need to earn that. All the hard work’s been done. I just need to rest in his arms and he cradles me - my Abba father.
Our earthly dads will let us down, they may have abandoned us, failed to protect us or been abusive. When that’s the case, it’s very difficult not to perceive our heavenly dad through the same lens. We sometimes forget that the God who knows the very number of hairs on our head (Luke 12:7) is the same God who feels for us and weeps with us (John 1:33-35). He understands our burden, he has experienced our suffering, he knows us intimately. God will not be disappointed when we pray that we struggle connecting with his love, grace and tenderness because our earthly dad let us down, he is just waiting on us handing that burden over to him so he can heal the hurt like only he can and, in doing so, turn our ‘mess’ into a ‘message’ to help others.
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I love the lyrics of a song by Christian country singer Anne Wilson called ‘My Jesus’,
“Who can wipe away the tears, from broken dreams and wasted years, and tell the past to disappear? Oh let me tell you ’bout my Jesus.”
So, allow God to wipe away all your tears and when Satan endeavours to utilise past memories to thwart your spiritual growth - just remember that you’re the apple of God’s eye (Zech 2:8) and he “…will be a father unto you” (2 Cor 6:18). Unlike earthly fathers, he will never let us down and all he wants is to carry those burdens that are too much for us to bear. Call out to your Abba and hand your sorrows to him today. Compassion, understanding and unconditional love and acceptance awaits.
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