‘No one can promise you a husband. No one can even promise you a text back’

Year on year, the ‘love coaching’ industry is growing, predominantly due to a market of 30-something women all hoping to find their ‘happily ever after’.

Fans of the movie Hitch will remember the concept – love coaching is designed to help people progress in their romantic lives by working on themselves and how they interact with those they’re attracted to.

There are plenty of people doing this in the secular world and increasing numbers who incorporate a ‘spiritual’ element.

When it comes to Christian dating there’s everything from one-on-one ‘therapy’ style sessions, to books, YouTube videos and courses to see you through.

I, indeed, could be lumped into that category having written a book on Christian dating myself.

The good and the bad

After investigating a lot of these ‘love coaches’ under various guises, I have mixed feelings about them.

Mentoring is good. We all need to be discipled and accountable and have a wise perspective introduced to our actions and decision making. For some this is a friend, parent, mentor or church leader, others pay for a spiritual advisor, coach or therapist depending on the level of intervention they’re looking for.

For those who think that investing specifically in guidance for your love life is trivial, I would challenge that. God cares about who we date, how we date and our desire for marriage. He is a God of the details, but this isn’t even a small detail. For those in that stage, it is a massive part of their lives and it needs to be navigated well and with support.

I think that things like HTB’s dating course and plenty of books and sermons on the topic are really encouraging and ideal to support someone on their journey.

But I draw the line at the false promises of some love coaches.

Any YouTube video that claims: “This is how to get him to propose in under a year” or “Here’s how to get HIM to chase YOU” is not encouraging or fruitful – it’s clickbait. I feel most angry with the people who actually charge for this advice using the job title ‘love coach’.

These people who claim to give outstanding results in exchange for money are preying on the deepest longings of the lonely and I don’t think it’s right.

No one can promise you a husband. No one can even promise you a text back.

People have their own minds and their own unique experiences and responses. If you have to use the manipulation tactics of an expert to get their attention, they are not the one for you.

You can’t maintain a long-term relationship using ‘tips and tricks’ to keep him wanting more. How exhausting.

Growing in the right sort of love

Ultimately, good love coaching is coaching that points you towards a greater love for yourself and a greater love for your maker.

It’s not wrong for single Christians to want to be in a relationship. It’s a natural and beautiful desire. We shouldn’t be shamed for feeling that way and it certainly shouldn’t be leveraged to part us with our hard-earned money.

The best mentors, coaches and therapists will encourage clients to recognise that they are fine single and will be fine if they stay that way. They won’t offer tricks to help them appear more confident and therefore make them more enticing to potential suitors.

Instead, they will encourage that person to develop their relationship with God. They will direct them towards his love for them and that person will be able to stand in greater confidence because of that love.

As a person grows in Jesus’ likeness and develops their unique skills, character and attributes under God’s tutelage, they will naturally become more attractive to those around them.

So, should you get a love coach?

That’s totally up to you. But I would advise fully researching the expert’s practices and being wise to grand promises. Personally, I think you’re better off spending your money on a Bible course or a spiritual retreat.