‘It would be so easy to be angry or become bitter when we are dealing with chronic pain or sickness, and when life hasn’t turned out the way we thought it would, but for me holding onto God’s promises is what provides me with the strength to carry on and persevere, to continue to hope. Knowing that all things shall be made right eventually,’ says Charlotte Phillips.
If you listen to any Christian music radio station the chances are high that you will have come across the ever-popular worship song Goodness of God by Jenn Johnson in the last few years. Like a lot of people, this song has fast become one of my favourites and the lyrics have encouraged me during times of sickness and ill health that I have experienced.
“You have led me through the fire, in darkest night you are close like no other.”
The line above encouraged me when my daughter had to be delivered almost seven weeks early via an emergency c-section because I had developed pre-eclampsia which then caused a placental abruption.
That night and the one following her birth were two of the darkest nights of my life
That night and the one following her birth were two of the darkest nights of my life; after her delivery my daughter was taken to NICU (Neo-natal intensive Care Unit) where she would go on to develop sepsis and require oxygen and I was in the High Dependency Unit with an IV drip to prevent me from having a stroke or an eclamptic fit. But even in that frightening time, I believe and felt God was watching over us both and keeping us safe. He was so, so good to us. We fortunately both recovered and were able to be discharged three weeks later.
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The journey since we left the hospital two years ago however has not been easy. My recovery took much longer than expected and there were lots of complications along the way. As someone who was always reluctant to even take so much as paracetamol previously, I now needed blood pressure medication every six hours to keep me alive. Blood tests that were taken in the months afterwards showed that I also had high cholesterol, caused by a genetic condition I have inherited, as well as type 2 diabetes.
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It now seems as if I will need medication for the rest of my life; as someone who used to consider herself quite fit and healthy, coming to terms with having not one but two chronic illnesses has been difficult, along with trying to process and heal from the birth trauma I experienced. The dependence I had in my own strength and health has been taken away. I take great comfort in the verse “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” (2 Corinthians 12:9 NIV). The reminder that God is my strength, that I must rely on and go to him daily, that I cannot manage all these things by myself. As someone who has always been very independent, the lessons that I have learned have been humbling.
Scripture tells us “For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully.”
Scripture tells us “For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully.” (1 Corinthians 13:12 NIV) I may not understand now why I have had to experience all these things but one day I will.
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It would be so easy to be angry or become bitter when we are dealing with chronic pain or sickness, and when life hasn’t turned out the way we thought it would, but for me holding onto God’s promises is what provides me with the strength to carry on and persevere, to continue to hope. Knowing that all things shall be made right eventually.
I would encourage anyone who is struggling to look to God, to be honest with him and to receive his joy and peace in return. And that peace is why, despite my ongoing health issues, I will always join in the chorus that says:
“All my days, I’ve been held in Your hands, from the moment that I wake up, until I lay my head. Oh, I will sing of the goodness of God.”
These lyrics have rung true for me time and time again. And I know that one day on the other side of eternity, I will be healed and made well again. But until that day comes, I will keep acknowledging the goodness of God.
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