‘I still struggle with those Christians in the Church, who misunderstand neurodivergence, when I think they should be reflecting God’s message of acceptance and celebration around difference,’ says Ann Wilson.
An article from the Guardian caught my eye recently, because I recognised some of the professionals interviewed. All of them agreed that autism diagnoses are rapidly increasing, but their responses as to why this is varies.
As a professional in the field, I am well aware of the increased referrals for assessment. I support assessment and if necessary, diagnosis because of the increased understanding it can bring to families, teachers, professionals and of course autistic people themselves. We now understand much more about how autism presents differently in girls and women and professionally I view this very positively.
As a mum of a young neurodivergent adult, I am grateful that her difference was recognised at six years old.
As a mum of a young neurodivergent adult, I am grateful that her difference was recognised at six years old. This allowed us to understand our daughter and her behaviour and some of the teachers she had not yet met, as well as some of the extended family.
My passion came from putting my children first
That doesn’t mean that it was easy to accept the diagnosis, and I still remember the process of shock and sadness before reaching an element of acceptance. I also found it difficult to cope with others’ reactions.
H had been planned, prayed over and loved before she was born. I had a solid faith (or so I thought). What plagued me most was one nagging question that I was fearful of articulating out loud - had God made a mistake when he made H? This was quickly followed by other questions - was H meant to experience so much anxiety over change, over friendships and new experiences? Did life really have to be so challenging for her? Did she really have to be so misunderstood?
What plagued me most was one nagging question that I was fearful of articulating out loud - had God made a mistake when he made H?
I turned to Christians friends for help. The response was mixed. Some said they were sorry, some told me that there was clearly nothing wrong and some complained about H’s behaviour when she ran to the front of the church to get her daddy’s attention and pulled of his mic. As well as being neurospicy H was ‘a child of the manse’. My husband was the minister. It was not an option for me to give up on the church, but it didn’t stop me feeling let down and very alone. I silently wondered if I would be able to continue to work in the field of autism, now it would be difficult to be objective.
Interestingly, looking back it was those friends who said little but demonstrated that they accepted H for who she was that brought most comfort. Some of them didn’t know the words autism or ADHD but that didn’t seem to matter. I was reminded that we are accepted by God for being exactly who we are (Romans 15 v 7). Some of my friends ‘got’ H and perhaps they got her because they shared her characteristics or had a family member who was also neurodivergent. Some misjudged her and failed to interpret her “tantrums” as being caused by anxiety or saw her need for continual activities as a behaviour issue, rather than an ADHD characteristic.
Fast forward 14 years, my daughter has matured, is maturing and I still work in the field of autism. I am now researching autism, as a mature PhD student, and continuing my day job. I have learnt a lot. H has taught me a lot. I have cried, worried, prayed, laughed and advocated for H. Recently she has taken on the ability to advocate for herself much more and I am a proud mum. We still face challenges together. The biggest at present are health related, because neurodiversity sometimes comes with physical health issues. I am better at my job because of my experience. I hope I am more accepting of difference. People sometimes struggle with her tendency to direct communication and saying it exactly as it is and sometimes, I am one of them.
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It is difficult not to take my work home and into my church. I still struggle with those Christians in the church, who misunderstand neurodivergence, when I think they should be reflecting God’s message of acceptance and celebration around difference.
Friends tell me that my expectations are too high, after all they don’t work in the field of autism and ADHD. Training for children’s leaders has not always been well received. What has had more impact is H herself. She can spot another neurospicy individual a mile off and has made them feel so welcome in the church that recently a whole family decided to attend. I suspect the church will be challenged to learn more. That’s a good thing. God does not make mistakes. He is in control, and he is still working on the church.
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