‘I’d rather know this ‘anxious generation’ as the ‘feeling generation’. They now have the vocabulary to articulate their fears. This is a blessing and a curse,’ says Rachel Allcock
I was a teenager in the 1990s and only a handful of people knew I was ‘worried’. I was nervous about vomiting, spelling tests, and many other things. If I had known there was a named condition that matched my symptoms (emetophobia – the fear of vomiting) it could have become my identity. Thankfully for me, the Internet hadn’t been invented yet.
Today’s teens are more than ‘worried’, they are ‘anxious’. Everyone knows it. We are all ‘stressed out’ about it. An identity has been thrust upon them – they are ‘the anxious generation’.
READ MORE: Book Club - Say Goodbye to Anxiety
Growing up, I sometimes soaked my pillow with tears, but it was OK because I turned it over and eventually fell asleep. I’ve since mentioned this with my peers, and we agreed that we kept many worries to ourselves.
In 2017, I curled up in tears on a different pillow in a different house, while my child’s anxiety manifested itself in disturbing ways
In 2017, I curled up in tears on a different pillow in a different house, while my child’s anxiety manifested itself in disturbing ways. A little screen lit up in my hand, ‘Doctor Google’ guided me through a list of phobias, conditions, and syndromes that may be present, including worst-case scenarios that felt like a death sentence.
As a teacher-librarian, I deal with panic attacks every week. Some ‘go away’ with a KitKat and a bit of distraction, and some don’t. When I can see someone is heading towards one, I like to ask if they are having a ‘bit of a panic’. This often de-escalates things because ‘panic attack’ seems more sinister. Words spoken can have a significant impact: Proverbs 18:21 warns: ‘Death and life are in the power of the tongue.’
I’d rather know this ‘anxious generation’ as the ‘feeling generation’. They now have the vocabulary to articulate their fears. This is a blessing and a curse.
READ MORE: Am I a bad Christian if I have anxiety?
Here are a few ways we can nudge teens towards a greater understanding that they are chosen, loved, seen and valued by a living God who had the power to make all things new. (Isaiah 43:19)
In the Bible, physical closeness expresses love and unity.
1. Medicate with long hugs
In the Bible, physical closeness expresses love and unity. Standing in the kitchen, a long hug with gentle rocking mimics the comfort of being held as a baby. It releases oxytocin, which pushes away the stress hormone, cortisol. Long warm hugs sedate my over-thinking teens. Cuddling up against their long backs and sprawling limbs is the best gentle alarm clock money can’t buy. This instinctive approach has been the single most valuable weapon against stress and anxiety for our family.
2. Smile, recognise, and acknowledge
Long hugs aren’t an option in many circumstances, but putting aside distractions for a second, looking into their eyes and speaking their name delivers comfort and dignity to struggling teens you may know and work with.
3. Lean into prayer
READ MORE: Tackling anxiety
It is a common saying that ‘you are only as happy as your least happy child’. Two of my friends swaddled me in a blanket and prayed their hearts out over me when I was desperately sad and scared for one of my children. That night, I began to function with hope again and break out of the fear mentality that holds us captive against joy.
4. Tap into the power of community
Envelop teens in love: Encourage them, be proud of them. Grandparents and multi-generation communities see their potential, love unconditionally and provide living proof that the dark times are not forever.
5. Don’t distort the promises of God
We were never promised an easy life. In fact, we were promised the exact opposite. ‘In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.’ (John 16:33) Life is hard and we will have many dark days. The message of hope Christians need to share is that feelings change like shifting shadows, but the Lord never changes. (Malachi 3:6)
A five-year-old once told me she wanted to be a ‘feelings teacher’. She is now 16. Feelings still fascinate, scare and torment her and she is the most empathetic person I know. Some days she beats worry, and other days she doesn’t. Each day is a new start. ‘His compassions never fail. They are new every morning.’ (Lamentations 3:22-23)
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