‘After a diagnosis of MS when I was 28, I moved from despair to learning the power of hope and joy’

My journey began in law school when I noticed unusual sensations in my legs. Although certain it couldn’t be anything much, I visited my GP and was eventually received a multiple sclerosis (MS) diagnosis at age 28. To say I was shocked is an understatement. For anyone this would be traumatic but, in my case, it was a double blow. Just a few years before I had been forced to give up my hopes of a classical violinist career due to a hand injury. Now I was expecting to begin a new life in law except the sledgehammer of MS had struck.

Yet despite my devastation, I soon began the trainee solicitor job I had already been offered in London but with little expectation it would work. Quickly my ability to walk had become limited and balance unstable which forced me to use a walking stick.

I was also angry with God he had ‘allowed’ this to happen but paradoxically sought answers about healing.

And that began a grim season. In the workplace I struggled to function with the pressures of law as well as raging MS symptoms and the terror of decline. I was also angry with God he had ‘allowed’ this to happen but paradoxically sought answers about healing. In his kindness he told me I would be healed and symptom free. And I resolved that healing sickness is always his heart as he told the leper in Matthew 8:1-3. But I still struggled with the hard reality of life with MS until healing came.

Three years on, emotionally I reached my end which brought me to the realisation my negativity contributed to my misery. That began a journey of getting rid of toxic thoughts; replacing negative ones with life-giving ones to renew my mind (Romans 12:2). Overtime I saw some change; it was a start.

However, the hope I knew was shallow. I needed to find a deeper place in God of lasting hope. As I sought God, I soon discovered what hope really is. It is a place of union with the God of Hope (Romans 15:13), not a fleeting feeling. It is formed deeply in us only through process; delighting in God’s glory to seeking joy through difficulties which creates endurance, character and then a deeper hope (Romans 5:3). It is not about getting something from God but in relationship with Him. And from that posture, I saw dramatic change in me. Not only was I free of hopelessness but I learned that when there is lots of hope, joy floods in too. In fact, hope and joy became so deeply established in me that I could continually live in them.

I prayed for people randomly and often; at work, in coffee shops, anywhere. And as I prayed for others’ healing, miracles became every-day.

Even when new tough life events came my way, I found I was so changed that the fire of hope and joy only increased in me when challenged. I also saw unexpected impact on other people who were drawn to me. Whether it was preaching and finding queues of people waiting to speak to me or in day-to-day life, I prayed for people randomly and often; at work, in coffee shops, anywhere. And as I prayed for others’ healing, miracles became every-day.

When I asked God what was happening, He said, “People are desperate for a touch of hope and joy, (Jesus), and that’s why they are reaching out to you.”

Although I’m still not manifestly healed more than 20 years after diagnosis, I can sense in my spirit that healing is near. In fact, I have recently writen a book about my journey called The Power of Hope and Joy. When writing the book, God told me to hurry up as I wouldn’t tell the story the same when healed. So I live in joyful anticipation of that day knowing there will be much impact from the miracle but able to fully live in the present in His goodness.

Why did I write the book? Not for the purpose of telling my own story but because I discovered that untapped measures of hope and joy are available to believers which are utterly transformative. I have lived that transformation and learned that we become powerful agents of light when we are drenched in them. Therefore, in a world mired in despair and fear I couldn’t keep this discovery to myself. The stirring I hear within is, ‘We must refuse the despairing narrative of our time. We must begin a hope and joy revolution to effect change.’

Which has led me to a place of calling believers to urgently step into deeper measures of hope and joy to live powerfully for God. These are formidable weapons. Hope is relentless. Joy is ferocious. If we will co-labour with God, He will weaponise us with these qualities to mightily change the world. A staggering privilege!