Nurturing faith within your family

If there’s one thing every parent knows, it is this: there are no guarantees with children. You can be the best mum in the universe (or not), but there are no cookie cutters available that create consistently well-adjusted, holy, high-achieving children. Frankly, we just do our best; we love them unconditionally – and we pray a lot! Personally, I was a fairly young mum (24 when Naomi was born), and to say I was overwhelmed and dependent on God would be an understatement. Over the years, I have benefitted from the wise advice of others, and have made plenty of mistakes along the way, but increasingly I have simply prayed that the faith that has sustained me would also be an anchor for my daughters. Life isn’t always easy, and it certainly isn’t always fair, but God’s love and faithfulness is constant, and I want nothing more than this hope for my girls as they face life’s challenges. As I have said, there are never any guarantees, but households of faith need to start somewhere, and parents have a crucial role in encouraging faith in the family.

Creating faith memories

I am exhausted just thinking about the schedule of the average child these days! With school and a zillion extracurricular activities and opportunities on offer, their lives can be so hectic. But where does faith fit into it all? Of course, faith is not just an activity and it’s not all about church attendance, but prioritising faith-filled habits does help. I remember being at church one day when an excited little girl came out to tell her mum she’d been chosen to play the part of Mary in the nativity. What a moment! However, the mum responded that she couldn’t do it as she couldn’t guarantee they’d come to church for the next four weeks for rehearsals. The girl was devastated and the mother fortunately reconsidered. I’m not advocating legalism, but I am advocating weaving in habits and memories that build faith at home and in community. So, be that bedtime prayers, reading Bible stories, talking about faith regularly, going on mission trips, serving at holiday clubs, fundraising, hosting small group parties, going for church weekends away or festivals – any childhood memories that integrate faith into life are so valuable. 

Separating people from God

Newsflash: people are not perfect. Even Christian people! It’s natural to want to protect children from the harsher realities of this truth, especially in church, but it’s impossible as time goes by. So, have people let our daughters down? Yes. Have youth pastors behaved badly? Have close friends had affairs or left church? Have our daughters witnessed their parents crying because of the pressure, pain and unrealistic expectations of church leadership? Again, all yes. But this is not the end of the story. Have they also met some of the most inspiring, God-honouring, visionary people whose lives reflect their faith? Oh, yes. Have they been recipients of people’s generosity, kindness and love? Regularly, yes. The reality is that people can be wonderful or not, but they are not God. Talking honestly about this and separating the two helps our children to know whom they are following. After all, people may let you down, and the Church is imperfect, but Jesus is always who he says he is. 

Challenging stereotypes

Whatever your theological position, there is still a conversation to be had about the role of women and girls in church. We have always attended and led churches where women lead and teach, and yet over the years we have noticed default mindsets and expectations that still need to be challenged. For example, I’ve seen a young guy with a few chords under his belt be more readily asked to be a worship leader than the girl with grade eight in two instruments (who is far more likely to be invited to be a backing vocalist). Often, girls are asked to serve food, to assist in a group or to help with the children – all of which are fantastic places to serve. But what about preaching, leading, joining the finance team, running the audio visuals or planning a mission trip? This isn’t always the case of course, and we hope things are changing, but we are naïve if we think it isn’t still an issue. We’ve certainly encouraged our daughters to become everything God has created them to be, and at times we have reassured them that God always sees their potential, even if others sometimes miss it. 

Passing on values

Every parent probably wonders if their children are listening to them. They certainly seem to ignore our advice at times! However, the founder of Care for the Family, Rob Parsons, once said something that has stuck with me: not only are children listening to us, but they are like little sponges, soaking up what we say, what we do and how we respond in every situation. They will naturally absorb values, habits and attitudes from us. Indeed, research consistently suggests that parents are the biggest influence in children’s lives, even in the teenage years, which is both reassuring and a significant responsibility. 

I have simply prayed that the faith that has sustained me would also be an anchor for my daughters

As parents, of course we know we don’t get it all right. But, as imperfect as we are, how authentic we are in our faith at home makes a real difference. Do we pray about decisions as a family? Are we negative or positive about people or church? Do we ever talk about faith or model generosity, and do we live and love in a way that honours God and others? For better or for worse, our children learn from us. What an opportunity it is to impart the truth that life is an adventure beyond being ‘all about me’ and that God has a plan for them to make a difference in the world. And what an honour it is to pray for our children each day, knowing that God loves them even more than we do.