’Raising my daughter without my mother’s physical presence, even just over these past few months, has pushed me to lean into God’s promises more than ever,’ says Bethany Hobbs.
Motherhood is often described as one of life’s greatest blessings, a journey filled with immeasurable joy, profound love, and daily challenges. For many, the guidance and support of their own mothers become invaluable during this time. But what happens when you have to mother without your own mother by your side?
Three years ago, my husband and I welcomed our beautiful daughter into the world. Amidst the joy, I faced a heart-wrenching reality: my mother, who six years prior had suffered a brain injury, was left with a limited and altered mind and body, though her faith remained intact. She was unable to be the active, hands-on grandmother I had always imagined.
For a decade, our family cared for my Mum, striving to give her the highest quality of life.
For a decade, our family cared for my Mum, striving to give her the highest quality of life. Six years into this journey, I discovered I was pregnant. While overjoyed, I was also disappointed not having my mother’s support during my new phase of motherhood.
Sadly, this year, my beloved mother passed away, adding fresh layers of grief to the sorrow I had already been navigating for years.
Grieving the loss of my mother while raising my daughter has been a journey marked by tears, prayer, and an unwavering reliance on God. Losing my mother twice, first to her brain injury and then to her physical death, has been overwhelming. Yet, in these moments of deep sorrow and when the weight of grief feels too heavy, I have found solace in the promises of the Bible and the presence of God - Matthew 11:28 “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest”.
The ambiguous grief of losing the mother I once knew has been a complex and ongoing process.
The ambiguous grief of losing the mother I once knew has been a complex and ongoing process. This kind of grief, often less recognised, is equally valid and profound. It is the grief of missing what could have been - the mother-daughter moments lost to time and circumstance. For a decade, I missed the mother who would have shared in my joys and challenges, who would have doted on her granddaughter and offered me the wisdom of her years.
Yet, in this journey, I have learned to embrace the memories of who she was before the injury and strive to carry them forward in my own life, honouring her legacy through my actions and my faith.
Faith has been my cornerstone. In Isaiah 41:10, God reassures us, “So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand”. These words have guided me, reminding me that God’s support is unwavering, even in the darkest times.
Raising my daughter without my mother’s physical presence, even just over these past few months, has pushed me to lean into God’s promises more than ever. It has strengthened my bond with my family and above all made me more determined to live in honour of my Mother; to minister and lead as the Woman of God she raised me to be.
To any mother navigating grief, whether it’s the loss of a loved one or the loss of what might have been, I want to offer this encouragement: you are not alone. Your pain is seen and understood by God, and his love is a constant source of strength and comfort. Psalm 34:18, reminds us, “The Lord is close to the broken-hearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit”. Allow yourself to feel his presence and draw near to him in your sorrow.
Read more on grief
Mothering without a mother is a path no one chooses, but it can be walked with grace, faith, and resilience. Hold fast to the promises of scripture, and remember that God is with you every step of the way. Your journey, though marked by grief, is also a testament to the incredible strength and love that God has placed within you.
As I continue to raise my daughter, I carry my mother’s memory in my heart, honouring her through my faith and dedication. I trust that God will guide me, as he will guide you, through every challenge and moment of joy. Let us walk this path together, assured that we are held in his loving hands.’
If any of these issues have affected you, you can call Premier Lifeline for support. Premier Lifeline is a national, confidential helpline offering a listening ear, emotional and spiritual support from a Christian perspective. If you would like someone to talk with and pray for you, call Premier Lifeline on 0300 111 0101.
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