GREAT SEXPECTATIONS: My Christian boyfriend was a narcissist

In our fortnightly column ‘Great Sexpectations’ we answer your questions on sex, faith and intimacy. Drop us a confidential email on womanalive@premier.org.uk and ask us anything. Here, Dr Kathrine McAleese helps a reader who wants to know how to spot red flags in relationships. 

Dear Woman Alive,

I met a lovely Christian guy when I was nearly 40. He was a few years younger than me, but we had an instant connection and he seemed to be pursuing me. I felt I was being treated like a Princess. I fell in love, and believed this man was going to be my husband, until the cracks appeared. In the beginning he talked about a future together, but as time went by, he could never actually commit, saying it was too soon after the end of another relationship. So we had a ‘situationship’ instead of an actual ‘relationship’. He kept me going for months, happy to kiss me, but I eventually realised he was keeping his options open, and I never trusted him around other women. I was devastated, and when I read a description of narcissism, I recognised many of the traits in him. I am free from him now, but it took a long time, as he didn’t want to let me go, but also didn’t want to commit. He said he loved me, but it was complicated. My question is, how can I protect myself in the future from men that are narcissists? What are the red flags I should look out for, and how can I trust again?