GREAT SEXPECTATIONS: I have been “friend-dumped” and I don’t know what to do.

Dear Woman Alive,

I was friends with a girl for about twelve years. We weren’t ever really close, but we were good friends, and over many years. We both moved to Birmingham at similar times and we were both single so we would meet up once or twice a month for a walk or meal. When Covid happened I moved out of Birmingham, and she came to stay with me for the weekend. I sensed a difference in her, but couldn’t put my finger on it. When I got married a little while later, she just disappeared. She never messages anymore. I feel like she has friend dumped me, and I don’t know why. What shall I do?

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Dear Reader,

I am sorry to hear this, as it is always a horrible feeling, and confusing if there is no clarity or closure on what has happened.

Have you reached out to your friend, to see if everything is okay, explaining you feel sad about the distance you now seem to have emotionally? I know this can be hard, especially if the friend then denies anything is wrong, and acts as if everything is normal, but I think this is the first step.

Have you asked your friend if everything is ok, explaining you feel sad about the distance you now seem to have emotionally?

It may feel as if you have unknowingly hurt her in some way, but if she doesn’t tell you what is wrong, it is hard for you to rectify the situation. Matthew 5:23-24 in The Message translation says: “If you enter your place of worship and, about to make an offering, you suddenly remember a grudge a friend has against you, abandon your offering, leave immediately, go to this friend and make things right. Then and only then, come back and work things out with God.”

It is interesting that in the verse the onus is on you to make things right, even if you don’t have a grudge against your friend.

If checking with your friend and trying to make amends doesn’t work, then it may be that you simply have to let your friend go.

You say you have recently got married. Is your friend still single? If so this could be painful for her. I am not saying what she is doing is right, but often when people’s behaviour doesn’t make sense and feels rejecting, it is because of pain in their own life.

I am not saying what she is doing is right, but often when people’s behaviour doesn’t make sense and feels rejecting, it is because of pain in their own life.

Sometimes we have friends for just a season, and if she is choosing to move on from your life, you can only bless her and allow her to move on.

It will feel like a grief, and so you may well have felt yourself going through the stages of grief with the loss of this friendship. The first stage is shock and denial, characterised by disbelief and numbness. Stage 2 is pain and guilt, which maybe you are in now. Stage 3 is anger and bargaining. Stage 4, depression, reflection, and loneliness.

But stage 5 is the upward turn when things start to feel better. Stage 6 is reconstruction and working through. Finally, stage 7 is acceptance and hope.

If this particularly friend has left your life, there is a space for a new friend. I pray God provides you new friends this season, and although you have felt friend-dumped, know that your Heavenly Father will never friend-dump you! 

If any of these issues have affected you, you can call Premier Lifeline for support. Premier Lifeline is a national, confidential helpline offering a listening ear, emotional and spiritual support from a Christian perspective. If you would like someone to talk with and pray for you, call Premier Lifeline on 0300 111 0101.

Our Great Sexpectations column is written by a number of different contributors who make up the Woman Alive panel. If you have a question for us, email:womanalive@premier.org.uk

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