Why are women so obsessed with ‘bad boys’ like Joe from Netflix’s You? It’s time we changed the narrative

The concept of a “bad boy” is familiar to all of us; a man who is smooth, potentially smokes and would probably kidnap your nan if the price was right. Despite the clear red flags, women have long been attracted to bad boys. In school, when I was in year four, I had a crush on the most disruptive boy in class because of his cheeky nature and his dimples. The phenomenon gets most of us at one time or another. At the top end of the bad boy romance spectrum, are the women who write to convicted criminals after their mugshots go viral offering to carry their babies within 3.5 working days. The fact that he may have burned a house down or be a murderer doesn’t seem to matter because his eyes sparkle in the sun.

TV shows have capitalised on this phenomenon by releasing content that speaks to this yearning, for example, the entire Ted Bundy series that shows a real-life killer’s journey and how he managed to lure women in with his looks. And more recently, the hit Netflix show You has been the talk of the town. It depicts the gorgeous, charming bookworm Joe endlessly causing havoc by meticulously stalking and then killing the women who catch his eye. It’s not just women, mind you, Joe extends his murderous hands to men who get caught up in his madness too, leaving families without sons, uncles and brothers.

We need to reframe what we see as attractive beyond the physical appearance. In short; we need Jesus.

The only saving grace for Joe is that he’s attractive and witty; two highly desirable traits that seem to throw all of our good sense into an abyss. People everywhere after watching the series have even started to empathise with the sociopath, understanding him and making excuses for his behaviour, as though a woman not liking you is ever a reason to kill her. As funny as this may be for Twitter topics and to discuss over teatime there’s a real, serious problem here.

Women aren’t just doing this with shows, or in year four when the boy with dimples threw cake in class, but in real, adult life too and it can have devastating consequences. We see the red flags like a carnival and run right into the madness that follows. All of this screams that we need to start valuing good traits in a person, we need to reframe what we see as attractive beyond the physical appearance. In short; we need Jesus.

Now, you may read and internally sigh as I say that we should find empathy and humility attractive but hear me out – that’s the reframing that needs to happen. Kindness, patience and understanding are all wonderful traits that we often connect with being boring or not charismatic enough. We may even believe these men are too quiet and won’t make us laugh but the minute we look at how 3D a human can be, and even the person of Jesus, we’ll have clarity around what to find attractive.

Jesus was a strong, confident figure, able to speak in public and clearly had a charisma that drew people in.

Jesus was all these things yet he was still a strong, confident figure, able to speak in public and clearly had a charisma that drew people in. It’s his traits that we must value. It’s high time we looked at these traits in a man and found them desirable. Let’s find kindness sexy, let’s melt to the floor at the guy who helps old ladies cross the street and more seriously, cares about our mental wellbeing. Let’s value when a man talks about how he feels about world issues and gets angry at injustice. Let’s find a good man sexy, and not the murders.