Too embarrassed to ask for money you’ve lent out? Maybe that’s not such a bad thing…

A new survey from Moneyboat suggests Brits are so afraid to ask for money back from friends and family after footing the bill that we’re ending up hundreds of pounds out of pocket each year. Added to this, we’re shelling out for social events we can’t afford because we can’t bring ourselves to admit that money’s tight. Sound familiar?

I have a cousin who frequently leaves her purse at home, then conveniently forgets to pay me back. I once paid for an expensive dinner she invited me to – including a full bottle of wine she drank alone. Another time she asked if I had any spare Christmas gifts she could buy for my kids, as she’d left it too late. I wrapped a couple of toys and my littles were made up by her generosity. I never received a penny or even a thank you.

My husband has similar issues. Countless times he’s come to me and said that so and so is in desperate need, so he’ll have to lend them a chunk of cash. We rarely see this money returned and, like me, he’s not about to ask for it.

We’re both desperate to be seen as generous, and struggle to admit that we have money troubles ourselves at times.

Agreeing to social events is another issue. I once went on an overseas hen do I really couldn’t afford. Not only was it a diabolical experience (phallic straws and all that), but one of the girls bailed without paying, so we ended up covering her costs. Meanwhile, the husband is constantly attending expensive social events when he’d much rather be perfectly antisocial at home!

We’re both desperate to be seen as generous, and struggle to admit that we have money troubles ourselves at times. I guess that’s pride, which is neither good nor healthy. It’s important to be open about what we can afford, and sometimes we just need to say no – to my wine-guzzling cousin, for example!

But didn’t Jesus say: “Give to the one who asks you, and do not turn away from the one who wants to borrow from you” (Matthew 5:42)? And Psalm 37:21 declares: “The wicked borrow and do not repay, but the righteous give generously.” So maybe we’re on the right side of the fence – even if our actions are fuelled, at least in part, by cowardice.

The thing we need to watch when we give is our attitude. Biblical money lenders are often described as greedy and corrupt; people who look down on those in need. If I’m honest, I’ve felt resentful about my purse-averse cousin and the disappearing loans at times. I have to remind myself that it’s more blessed to give than receive (Acts 20:35) and that God loves a cheerful giver (2 Corinthians 9:7).

I have to remind myself that it’s more blessed to give than receive (Acts 20:35) and that God loves a cheerful giver (2 Corinthians 9:7).

It’s worth remembering that our heavenly Father is generous beyond all others. Not only does he meet our needs (Philippians 4:19) and the needs of our world (Psalm 104:10-18), but he allowed his only son to die so that we can live with him for all eternity (John 3:16) – a debt we can never, ever repay. We should always ask for wisdom before giving of our time, money and resources, but who knows what the eternal implications of our sacrificial generosity might be? If nothing else, it proves that we belong to him.

As Luke 6:34-35 says: “And if you lend to those from whom you expect repayment, what credit is that to you? Even sinners lend to sinners, expecting to be repaid in full. But love your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them without expecting to get anything back. Then your reward will be great, and you will be children of the Most High, because he is kind to the ungrateful and wicked.”

Want more advice on managing your finances? Look out for the August issue of Woman Alive which has a special focus on money! Subscribe now