‘The soft girl lifestyle has been trending on social media platforms for the last decade, but does it do a disservice to how far the world has come for gender equality in the workplace, and is it the right solution for the pressure working Christian women face?’ asks Becky Hunter Kelm.
In Sweden, women are pushing back against the drivenness of the previous global ’boss-bitch’ era by slowing down or even quitting work altogether.
Vilma Larsson, 25, told the BBC she quit her multiple jobs to stay at home and is much happier for it. Supported financially by her boyfriend, she lives at a slower pace, enjoying her days cooking, exercising, going out for coffee, and spending the winter in warmer climates abroad. She says: ‘My life is softer. I am not struggling. I am not very stressed.’
In the last 20 years, we have seen significant progress in women’s employment rights
In the last 20 years, we have seen significant progress in women’s employment rights (despite the still-present gender gap and 3/4 of firms in the UK paying men more than women, according to data in 2019.) In Sweden alone, there have been five decades of policies to promote dual-income households, subsidised childcare, and shared parental leave.
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Despite this, Larsson said part of the reason she became a soft girl is because she saw so many older women burnt out from the stress of managing both childrearing and their careers.
In the UK, 74% of women (74%) bear the mental load of family life compared to 48% of men, and 31% of mothers are concerned about burnout compared to 19% of fathers. (HR online).
It makes sense that the pendulum would radically swing back in Sweden (and across the world) with the soft girl trend.
It makes sense that the pendulum would radically swing back in Sweden (and across the world) with the soft girl trend. But in doing so, soft girls are disregarding years of decades of fighting for employment rights and economic freedom. Women choosing to slow down isn’t bad. God doesn’t want his daughters to be stressed or overworked. God rested, giving us the sabbath principle as a guideline for regular rest. Matthew 11:28-30 also talks about God’s heart to give us rest. “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”
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But is there a difference between resting as part of a balanced life of work and being a soft girl where you do nothing but live for pleasure and try to avoid stress? Stress is an inevitable part of life in our broken world. Until we have eternal peace with God in heaven, he tells us to ‘take heart I have overcome the world.’ (John 16:33) Soft Girls are the minority, too. Most women do not have the luxury of choosing a soft girl life. It also begs the question: is living off your boyfriend (when you’re not married) using someone? Isn’t it selfish?
God created us to work, and a life of self-centered pleasure and relaxation isn’t his plan for us. He calls us to make a difference - through our careers and families and by making disciples of all nations. (Proverbs 31). It doesn’t help that social media paints an unrealistic picture of life that doesn’t positively feature work: “Work doesn’t really feature that much if you look at lifestyle content on social media today; it’s much more about exercise and wellness,” explains Ms. Göransson. “And if that’s the picture young people have of what a normal life looks like, then, of course, maybe you’re not so excited about spending eight hours in an office a day.”
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Christian women find the answer in neither the extreme opposites of boss-babe or soft girl but in asking God what he wants for our lives. Let’s honour God with selfless service to others like Jesus did through our work and caring for our families. Let’s be aunties and sisters to those juggling careers and children as part of the wonderful extended family of God.
Women who are privileged to be able to set boundaries against overextending themselves and potential burnout should do so. As Christians, we should continue to campaign for rights in the workplace that allow us to work both in and outside of the world. So the next time you see a soft girl post on social media, remember that the life God intends for us as his daughters includes moments of softness alongside fulfilling work as part of his divine plan for us.
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