Liam Payne’s death reminded me of how we all need to find our identity in Christ

The news of Liam Payne’s death deeply saddened me. What a tragic end to a young life with so much potential. Of course, no one knows the exact circumstances surrounding his death and I have no desire to speculate. But over the last few weeks, articles have been emerging sharing the very open struggles he had as he rose to fame with One Direction and as all of it disappeared when the band split.

Now I don’t know about you, but I’m certainly not pop star material so those particular challenges are far removed from me. Yet a lot of Liam’s struggles seem to boil down to a question that the human race universally grapples with; “Who am I?”

Since the world began, humans have desperately sought a sense of belonging and purpose.

Since the world began, humans have desperately sought a sense of belonging and purpose. That’s how God designed us. He made us in His image (Genesis 1: 27) and longs for us to recognise ourselves as ‘children of God’ made possible through Jesus’ sacrifice. (1 John 3: 1). But so often in our quest for belonging, we forget that this is who we are.

As women, it can be so easy to attribute our identity to the season of life and circumstances we find ourselves in. We may want to be known as ‘career driven’ and ‘successful’. We may pride ourselves on the parenting philosophy we follow. We may find our purpose in our Christian ministries. None of these are inherently bad. In fact, they may be quite the opposite. But what happens when the identity we’ve created falls away? When we lose our job? When our children leave home? When our health fails and life turns out very differently to how we imagined it would? Rooting who we are in our circumstances is a futile exercise, as it was never God’s intention for us.

I understand these struggles all too well. I came to Christ at the age of 18 after attending an Alpha course. But prior to this, I pursued destructive habits in the hope of finding belonging. Even after becoming a Christian, I started to pursue the ‘ideals’ of Christian motherhood that I had created for myself. I saw women at camps with dozens of kids in tow and I wanted that. To me, that was the ‘ultimate Christian woman’ and that was what I strived for. I got married to Matthew at 22 and thought I was well on the way to achieving that goal.

However, life threw me a curveball. During my early twenties, I had started to experience relentless chronic pain and fatigue.

However, life threw me a curveball. During my early twenties, I had started to experience relentless chronic pain and fatigue. I saw multiple professionals over a span of eight years but no one could find anything wrong with me. Some even insinuated that it was ‘all in my head’. We had two children during this time, Isaac and Anna. And being brutally honest, the early years of parenting them was far removed from what I thought it would be. I was exhausted, in an unbelievable amount of pain and did not enjoy much of it. I felt like I was failing in my role as a mother. We prayerfully came to the conclusion that my body would not be able to handle another pregnancy and felt our family was complete. That decision was heartbreaking. Who was I if not ‘that Christian mum’ I had so desperately tried to be? The identity I had created was shattered, and it was exceptionally difficult to navigate.

In 2018, I was eventually diagnosed with Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome. EDS in a connective tissue disorder that makes your collagen too weak and stretchy, causing unstable and painful joints that can easily dislocate. In many ways, I am so grateful for the diagnosis as I was finally taken seriously and was able to access the support I needed. More importantly, I was able to have grace with myself. However, a label can be a double-edged sword. Yes, I have a disability. But that is not who I am at my core. I am a child of God. My disability, as with all other circumstances, is temporary. My disability isn’t coming to heaven with me.

God never intended for our roles in life or our circumstances to become our identity. Our identity should be found in Christ alone as children of God.  This is the only role that will last into eternity. I am continuing to learn that when we rest in this truth, we are able to stand firm regardless of the trials life brings our way.