Amy Ellison is the proud step-mother to her partner’s children. Here she explains the honour God has put on the role, even if at times it can feel like a struggle.
The Lord Jesus was known as the carpenter’s son (Matthew 13:55), which ought to encourage all step-parents as Joseph was, of course, Jesus’ step-father. The path the Lord had chosen for Joseph must have sorely tested his faith at times and yet, we can imagine, that he also felt incredibly blessed to have been chosen by God for this important role.
Have we allowed ourselves to feel this same measure of blessing? Step-parents can often struggle with role ambiguity, and developing one’s own parenting style can prove testing. It has been said that there are various step-parenting styles like the third parent role, the “unsure” step-parent and the “friend”. Such uncertainty and flux may hard-press us at times and yet God will never allow us to be crushed. The Lord sees you. The Lord knows you. He will equip and encourage you; keep crying out to him. If you are a Christian step-parent then you have been entrusted with a mission of great magnitude: to show your step-children how precious the Lord Jesus is.
We can imagine that Joseph felt incredibly blessed to have been chosen by God for this important role.
When a child opens up to you and invites you into their world, this is a tremendous privilege. I currently listen to narratives about fantasy characters and watch golfing videos during times of connection with the boys. Investment and sacrifice are noble sounding words but can be painful words too as they expose the ugly sin of self in our heart. It might be painful to hear stories of a past that didn’t have you in it.
Thankfully, we have a powerful God who will pour bucket loads of grace over us to handle each of these testing situations as and when they arise. I think of the wonderful hymn by Keith and Kristyn Getty “His Mercy Is More”. You have been given custodianship of children for such a time as this: be thankful, feel blessed. Being a step-parent can be emotionally exhausting and so be as kind to yourself as you are to your step-children. You are the apple of God’s eye, chosen from before the foundations of the earth and he has plans to prosper you. My advice to others would be to surround yourself with friends and counsellors who are for you. Spend time with those who love and understand your blended family and who will commit to praying for you as a family.
Step-parents can often struggle with role ambiguity, and developing one’s own parenting style can prove testing.
How can we love and honour God as step-parents? We are called to love the Lord with all our heart, soul, mind and strength and love our neighbour as ourselves. Jesus said that anyone who does anything for the least important of his brothers and sisters, does it for him. What a beautiful mandate we have: to love the children put under our care by the Lord Jesus himself. I end with some prayers that you may wish to join in with.
Dear Heavenly Father, thank you for my step-children. I pray that you would equip me to be the best step-parent I can be to them. I ask for patience, love and strength, knowing that all things are working out for our good and your glory. Please fill me increasingly with the graces of patience, wisdom, kindness, love, a merciful Spirit, contentment and a longing for the new heaven and the new earth. In Jesus’ precious name. Amen.
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