‘Stop with the superglue – spend as much time as you can apart! Just think how much more you’ll have to talk to each other about if you unstick yourselves at parties! The journey home is your date night; the party is a celebration of our lives in community,’ says Rachel Allcock as she gives advice to married couples this Marriage Week, 7-14 February.
I’m all for marriage, but some couples lack wisdom when presenting themselves. I cringe at ‘smug married’ people or couples blocking the pavement. I have been known to eye-roll my church neighbour when I’m behind the pair who are too keen on the insides of each other’s back pockets. And nothing turns me off an itinerant preacher quicker than the protracted introduction and slide show to his message when it is given over to a detailed description of his super-hot wife and their twelve kids. (I warm to him again if he reveals that Simeon, Levi, Asher and Issachar are probably ripping little Joseph’s coat off and throwing him in a pit at that very moment.) Perhaps I’m not the right person to write a piece promoting Marriage Week, but then again, maybe I am!
READ MORE: GREAT SEXPECTATIONS: I feel insecure in my marriage
I’m all for discussing relationship skills and celebrating the security marriage brings. Many helpful resources are available: Partners Archive - Marriage Week UK
I’ve enjoyed or endured several courses, books or seminars on marriage.
I’ve enjoyed or endured several courses, books or seminars on marriage. However, I don’t remember much training or advice about how to act as a married couple within a group or at church. Our ‘united front’ can easily make others feel isolated and insignificant in these settings. I’m not always a fan of how married people behave at gatherings, parties, church services, or on social media.
So, at risk of offending people (me included), here are the headlines I’d like to include in a behaviour guide to help avoid being a ‘smug married’.
Stop regarding wedding rings as equivalent to Christian prefect badges.
READ MORE: ‘Marriage is not about a hierarchy or a chain of command’
In Genesis 1:28, God commands Adam and Eve to ‘Be fruitful and multiply’. We have been conditioned to view the sacrament of marriage as an ultimate goal in life. But what does Jesus say? He clarifies that our calling is to love God and our neighbours as we love ourselves (Mark 12:30-31). When he tells us to go and multiply (Matthew 28:19-20), He means for us to spread the good news to the ends of the earth and multiply disciples.
Those of us bearing our families as a badge of honour could look to Paul’s words in Galatians 6:14: ‘My I never boast about anything except the cross of our Lord Jesus Christ’. Marriage brings many blessings, but I’m not automatically a ‘better’ Christian because of it.
Think twice about saving seats. Rows and rows of people coupled up, resembling the two-seated layout in Vue, are a massive turn-off for the person who walks in alone.
Think twice about saving seats. Rows and rows of people coupled up, resembling the two-seated layout in Vue, are a massive turn-off for the person who walks in alone. Church may be the most awkward place single people find themselves each week. I know several couples who rarely sit together in church, and it’s so refreshing. I find it a compliment to my conversation skills when I chat with someone reasonably often, and they still don’t know who my husband is!
Stop with the superglue – spend as much time as you can apart! Just think how much more you’ll have to talk to each other about if you unstick yourselves at parties! The journey home is your date night; the party is a celebration of our lives in community, with not a ‘singles table’ in sight.
READ MORE: ‘I got sacked from a Christian school for having Christian values about marriage’
Lay an extra space at the table. I still remember tiny details about the families who invited me for Sunday lunch when I moved away from home 27 years ago. I’ve found it gets harder to be spontaneous as our kids get older, but I know some amazing people who are taking people in and building community.
Look out for those in desperate need of support. Marriage Week 2025 is all about “Pursuing a Lasting Love”. Husbands should love their wives just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her. (Ephesians 5:25). Sadly, many men fail to seek the highest good for their wives. In the UK, 1 in 4 women will be subject to domestic abuse. Please read this page from Restored if you believe that you or someone else is suffering. Recognising domestic abuse - Restored
This ‘behaviour guide’ boils down to being considerate of others and loving each other as part of God’s family.
The world and its desires pass away, but whoever does the will of God lives forever (1 John 2:17).
No comments yet