How I was treated by my church during a break-up was more heart-breaking than losing the relationship

I wanted to share my personal experience, even though it’s an experience many of us share. I had my heart broken by someone in church. My safe place, where I find peace. I didn’t expect it to happen, especially when the man I met was a born-again Christian a man of God.

If you have met someone you thought was your, “one” only to find out later they are not, it can be overwhelming. Especially if you are still going to the same church as the man who didn’t treat you well. You may feel uncomfortable because the man who broke your heart gets treated as the victim. In some cases he might get all the support, prayers, and encouragement from the senior pastors, most times these situations are seen from a male perspective. You become stigmatised by the leadership team who seem to follow their own views not scripture.

I had my heart broken by someone in church. My safe place, where I find peace.

As women, it can be hard for us to have our pain acknowledged. Our thoughts and feelings can be discounted with preference, favouritism and biased opinions geared towards the male. This happens even when it is known the man is in the wrong. As the woman in an abusive relationship, you can be the one ostracised and demonised. You could be portrayed as the troublemaker, fabricator, liar, accuser of the brethren and the person who caused the relationship breakdown.

I found it a challenge to follow what the scripture says. It was difficult when I read: “If you have fought against someone, go and make it right.” Matthew 5:23-24. Really, do I need to do this? Yes, of course it’s painful, but I knew I would feel better for doing it God’s way, not my way. I had to let go of anger resentment, bitterness, and un-forgiveness and the weight on my shoulders lifted and to be replaced with the peace of God. He showed me how to deal with my pain and how to learn to trust again. 

There is healing for the heart, and soul, at the foot of the cross. The frustration, disappointment, confusion all those feelings of betrayal and negative energy from fellowshipping in the same space will disappear. It may take time but believe, in God’s time. No matter what, hold your head high, shoulders back, stand tall and walk with authority and power in every step. Keep your eyes fixed on Jesus. He’s the author and finisher of your faith.

When you go to church live your truth. If you see Mr Heartbreaker, he’s invisible, you are in the presence of God not him. When, you feel strong enough, go and shake his hand and say: “God bless you.” And move on with your day. Heap coals of fire on his head. He will feel remorse when you return good for evil. Romans 12:19-20. 

If you see Mr Heartbreaker, he’s invisible, you are in the presence of God not him.

God will heal your heart. He loves you. You have nothing to feel embarrassed about. A broken and a contrite heart he will not despise. Psalms 51:10. My advice to you do not be too proud to seek prayer, professional counselling, and therapy. It’s not an easy journey, to stay focused away from your pain but you can do it. Encourage yourself in the Lord and declare scripture verses that are relevant to your situation, pray and talk to God daily.

As you develop, grow, and evolve you will become a Woman Alive in mind, body, soul, and spirit. Keep hope alive through prayer and you will live to testify about the goodness of Jesus. Surely goodness and mercy shall follow you all the days of your life. Psalms 23:6.

Maureen’s book Book Promise: How Women Can Find the Strength to Trust Again, is out now.