‘We need to get our ‘Valentine love’ from him, don’t we?’ suggests Sheila Jacobs who says she ‘never had ‘a word’ from God’ that she would marry.
I remember receiving anonymous Valentine cards when I was a teenager, rolling my eyes, but being secretly pleased. I don’t think I was particularly popular – perhaps I just knew some shy lads! Or maybe it was my mum. Who knows. Later on, my lovely boyfriend sent me cards, and flowers, and that was enough for me. Until God called me to be single.
I’ve been single since my early thirties – quite a while now!
I’ve been single since my early thirties – quite a while now! I was OK with the call at first; I was ill with Meniere’s disease and the last thing I was thinking about was dating. It was only when I recovered, and was living alone, that I began to question ‘the call’. God, do you really want me to be on my own? Or was I too affected by my parents’ break-up when I was 21 to want to commit to someone?
READ MORE: Journeying through Lent in the light of Valentine’s Day
I began to miss those days when Valentine cards would pop through the letterbox.
When I was young, I took ‘romance’ for granted, although I never was a ‘mushy’ sort of person. I generally avoided ‘serious’ relationships because I didn’t want to be ‘tied down’. Getting older, I can see the value and tenderness of long-lasting love and commitment. I don’t suppose trivial cards, roses and nice dinners on one particular day matter so much when you’re living with your best friend and confidante. But that hasn’t been the path for me, or for many others.
Truthfully, I have prayed about it, and have never had ‘a word’ from God that I would marry. I’ve come to accept that God has other plans for me – and you know what? That’s exciting. Single, I find I’m able to be more available for others, which is especially important in ‘listening’. As well as being a full-time writer and editor, I’m taking a course in spiritual direction, and I love retreat work. I’ve been a chaplain in a retreat house, dipped my toe in church leadership, and I’m currently part of a lively evangelism team, male and female – several of us are older, separated, divorced, never married. (Some are open to romantic love, some are not.)
READ MORE: It’s Valentine’s Day! If you’re single – don’t panic.
I have had, and still have, some good male friends. But if I get too close to any of them, I notice the presence of God is not as vibrant. A few years ago, I felt God telling me to stop looking for a husband – I was cross about that! But he told me to ‘trust him’. He knew best. I had to put him first!
When I talk to singles who’d love to share their life with a special person, I try to gently point them to Jesus.
When I talk to singles who’d love to share their life with a special person, I try to gently point them to Jesus. Truthfully, life, for a believer, isn’t about whether we are single or married, dating or not. It’s about Jesus. He gave us his all, on the cross, and as we submit all that we are to him, we will ‘fulfil our brief’ in this life – whatever our calling. He says in that well-known verse, Jeremiah 29:11, that he knows the plans he has for us – note, not the plans we have for ourselves – and that’s the point. He has the ‘call’ on my life. I surrender to his plans, rather than make my own. Who knows how he will bless me? But I am part of a bigger picture, bigger even than marriage and family. And I need to remember that: that’s who I am.
READ MORE: This Valentine’s Day it’s time to stop writing love letters to yourself and read the one from Jesus
As we draw close to him, encountering him, discovering he is all good and all love, then we can grow in trust in his decisions for our lives.
We need to get our ‘Valentine love’ from him, don’t we? Not in a weird way, but knowing that the rock-solid love of God doesn’t change. He knows what he has planned for me: a unique life with a unique purpose. How thrilling!
So, when the postie just delivers junk mail on Valentine’s Day, that’s fine. I know God doesn’t withhold anything from me that is good (Psalm 84:11). But my life is his. And his plans and eternal ideas for me – his creation, his child – are way better than mine.
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