‘Reproductive coercion is a form of gender-based violence, it can take place both outside of and within married relationships and as a form of domestic abuse it affects Christian women at a similar rate to non-Christian women,’ says Sally Hope.
Sometimes, as Christians, we focus so much on marriage being the only place that sex can take place, we don’t even think about how sex can be immoral and even illegal within marriage.
Earlier this week I had the misfortune of stumbling across a TiKTok video where a man nonchalantly spoke about how he’d ‘stealthed’ a woman he had sex with.
‘Stealthing’ is a slang term for the removal of a condom during sex without the consent or knowledge of the other party
‘Stealthing’ is a slang term for the removal of a condom during sex without the consent or knowledge of the other party. It’s a growing trend amongst some men, those who inhabit the darker corners of the internet, sharing tips with each other about how to “slip it off” unnoticed.
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The correct legal term for stealthing is ‘rape’. Under the 2003 sexual offences act, a person cannot be deemed to have consented to sex if they have been tricked about the nature of the sex, this is what is known as ‘conditional consent.” In other words, if a woman gives consent to have sex only using protection and the man tricks her into having unprotected sex, either by lying and saying he has put a condom on when he hasn’t, or by slipping it off during intercourse, then he is guilty of rape. In 2024, a man from London was convicted for four years and three months for this offence.
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In the UK marital rape has been illegal since 1992. Wives are not obligated to have sex with their husbands on demand and should expect sex to be consensual, this also applies to the use of contraception. Stealthing can happen to any woman, married or not, Christian or not, and whilst it often goes unreported because many of us do not even realise it is a crime, it is estimated that up to 43% of women (2) have experienced stealthing.
Wives are not obligated to have sex with their husbands on demand and should expect sex to be consensual
Stealthing is just one form of ‘reproductive coercion’. This is when women are coerced in regards to their reproductive choices. Other forms of reproductive coercion include forced abortions; sabotaging birth control, such as by replacing it with a placebo or hiding it; coerced pregnancy; coerced sex and more. Reproductive coercion is a form of gender based violence, it can take place both outside of and within married relationships and as a form of domestic abuse it affects Christian women at a similar rate to non-Christian women. Some studies suggest that reproductive coercion affects half of all women aged 18-44.
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When Christian women experience reproductive coercion their faith may be weaponised in order to justify the abuse. They may believe or have been taught that the only purpose for sex is to create a family and that any desire to prevent conception or wait until a different time of life to have children is “sinful.” However, Christian women should know that any attempt to coerce them to have sex when they don’t want to, to become or remain pregnant when they don’t want to, or to terminate a pregnancy when they don’t want to, is abuse, it is not God’s will and it is illegal.
If you have experienced stealthing or any other form of reproductive coercion or domestic abuse, you can get confidential help and support from Rape Crisis: 0808 500 2222 or from the National Domestic Abuse Helpline: 0808 2000 247.
Premier Lifeline is a national, confidential helpline offering a listening ear, emotional and spiritual support from a Christian perspective. Premier Lfieline is open from 9am to midnight all year. If you would like someone to talk to and pray for you, call Premier Lifeline on 0300 111 0101.
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