‘Researchers suggest that a major issue with “mankeeping” is a lack of reciprocity - the burden it places on women’s time and well-being is not matched by a corresponding investment from men,’ says Ann-Louise Graham.
Are you “mankeeping”? Do you frequently find yourself tending to the social and emotional needs of the men in your life - whether they’re your single male friends or your husband, if you’re married? If so, researchers at Stanford University say that you may be at risk of engaging in a behaviour they call “mankeeping.” This emerging term describes the tendency to take on a caretaker role for the men in one’s life at the expense of one’s own wellbeing.
Researchers define “mankeeping” as the unpaid labour women perform to compensate for men’s lack of strong social connections
Researchers define “mankeeping” as the unpaid labour women perform to compensate for men’s lack of strong social connections and the resulting isolation they experience.
But as Christians, surely, we should carefully examine this emerging concept from a biblical perspective before advising the men in our lives to seek counsel elsewhere.
The concept of “mankeeping” led me to question whether it merely defines the role expected of Christian women
The concept of “mankeeping” led me to question whether it merely defines the role expected of Christian women - to provide men with support and care, including emotional support. And - before I make myself too unpopular – Scripture makes it clear that Christian men are likewise expected to serve and care for the women and men in their lives.
1 Corinthians 7:34, for example. recognises that married women are going to be occupied with caring for their husbands and families, in a way that single women wont, allowing the latter to devote themselves more fully to the Lord. It states “… In the same way, a woman who is no longer married or has never been married can be devoted to the Lord and holy in body and in spirit. But a married woman has to think about her earthly responsibilities and how to please her husband.”
In the context of these verses, the apostle Paul places the same responsibility on men as women - they too are to “strive to please” their wives.
Leaving that aside, the broader context of the New Testament is dominated by encouragements to all Christians – both single and married - to minister to one another, a concept often referred to as “one-anothering.”
The Bible encourages us to bear one another’s burdens, fulfil the law of Christ, and show humility, gentleness, and patience as we bear with each other in love (Gal 6:2, Eph 4:2). We should also be kind, tender-hearted, and forgiving towards one another, just as God in Christ has forgiven us (Eph 4:32). Additionally, we are instructed to confess our sins to each other and pray for one another’s healing, knowing that the prayers of the righteous are powerful (Jas 5:16). Finally, we are called to love each other with brotherly affection and to outdo one another in showing honour (Rom 12:10). And on and on.
But where does that leave us with “mankeeping”? The researchers suggest that a major issue with “mankeeping” is a lack of reciprocity - the burden it places on women’s time and well-being is not matched by a corresponding investment from men. Further, according to the research, “mankeeping” is symptomatic of a decline in men’s social connections in Europe and North America, which women are forced to compensate for. Something which it’s argued should be viewed as labour and shoring up patriarchy.
Ultimately, for the Stanford researchers no one wins with mankeeping – men don’t form connections on their own and women risk being “unpaid.”
But the question remains – am I my brothers’ keeper? The picture of life together under the Lordship of Christ in the New Testament is the pattern of Christ. Clearly in a sinful world the reality of it is very broken. Many Christian relationships are not reciprocal – or “one-anothering.” But it remains our standard because when we only view relationships as transactional, we risk failing to reflect the Christ who died to rescue them.
No comments yet