An open letter to my ex mother-in-law this Mother’s Day

I loved having you as my mother-in-law. All the tropes about how difficult they are and tales of tension between the mother and wife of a man, passed me by. In fact, due to tension with my own mother at the time, the night before the wedding was spent in your home where you prepared my favourite food for supper and made sure I had a stress-free sleep in your guest room so that I was fresh the next morning for the big day.

I remember when I first met you, I had bought a plant as a gift but was so tongue tied that I couldn’t get my words out and simply shoved the random plant in your face.

I remember when I first met you, I had bought a plant as a gift but was so tongue tied that I couldn’t get my words out and simply shoved the random plant in your face. Thank you for laughing my nerves away and welcoming me into your home as easily as if I were already part of your family. I never felt like I had to fight with you for my husband’s attention and this made such a difference to our marriage.

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In every visit that followed, whether I arrived with or without your son, I felt at ease with you. You gave so much room for me to be your daughter (in-law) along with your two biological daughters. And even though you only had one son, you never intimated a sense that by him being with me, you were losing him. In fact, we had our own relationship outside of the marriage and I loved that.

Thank you for supporting me during a confusing time in my life and for being genuinely interested in my work and personal pursuits. For reading the magazines I edited and printing out the photos from my modelling work; placing them in your sitting room alongside photos of the family you birthed.

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When our daughter was born early, it was you who picked up when I called in the middle of a spontaneous labour. And it was you who got out of bed at 3am and rushed to the hospital to hold me while I wept over the loss of our baby girl who died a few hours after birth. And it was your husband who drove the hour journey in the middle of the night to get my husband so he could be with me. It was you who told me it was not my fault that she died. And it was you who called the nurses when I couldn’t stop throwing up and was crying for my daughter as they took her perfectly formed but silent little body away.

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When our marriage ended, it was you who sent me a letter to comfort me. You called me intelligent, charming and strong and reminded me that I had once said that you felt like true family to me, and how flattered you were and that you would be honoured if I could continue to think that way.

In the years since, I have pondered on these gentle but powerful words of yours and considered how true it is that divorce is not just separation of two people, but of two families. Not too long ago, I was speaking about you with a mutual friend of the family, and she said how blessed I am to have had you as a mother-in-law. And I really am.

So, this Mother’s Day, I want to thank you for the impact you have had on my life and the love you showed me while I was in love with your son.

Happy Mother’s Day ❤️