According to research, online is where it is at if you want to find Mr Darcy, but what if you are fed up of dating apps? What if you long to live out your best Bridgerton dreams, and be presented by your family as eligible for marriage? Woman Alive deputy editor, Jemimah Wright, suggests debutante balls might be an option.
On the 30th November Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin’s daughter, Apple, attended Le Bal des Débutantes in Paris. She wore a pale blue Valentino gown that apparently took 750 hours to make, and was joined by other offspring of the rich and famous.
The very concept of a ‘debutante ball’ may feel as if Pride and Prejudice is returning to the 21st Century, but actually, debutante balls are still a thing in 2024. Historically, they served as a formal introduction of young women to society, often signalling their readiness for marriage, which doesn’t sound too 2024, and things have changed, in that the focus has moved to raising money for charity, rather than potentially fobbing off daughters to marriage.
Historically, they served as a formal introduction of young women to society, often signalling their readiness for marriage, which doesn’t sound too 2024, and things have changed.
Britannica says on the subject: ‘The tradition of formally presenting girls and young women into aristocratic society can be traced to 18th-century England. At that time, most professions were closed to women, and those that were available, such as laundress or maid, were deemed socially unacceptable for women of the upper classes. Moreover, inheritance laws could be unfavourable to females, leaving them with no titles or property of their own. In such cases, women had to rely on their fathers to provide for them until they could marry and depend instead on a husband or son.’
Which gives some insight into why Mrs Bennet was so desperate to get her five girls a ‘good marriage’.
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The Queen Charlotte’s Ball is the annual British debutante ball. The ball was founded in 1780 by George III as a birthday celebration in honour of his wife, Charlotte of Mecklenburg-Strelitz. It originally served as a fundraiser for the Queen Charlotte’s and Chelsea Hospital and continued after Queen Charlotte’s death in 1818. The ball is featured in the 2020 Netflix original series Bridgerton and now, in 2024, it has its own Instagram page. The 245th Queen Charlotte’s Ball was held in London on 31st August this year.
Are women still needing to be presented to society? I would say no, but perhaps the balls can continue to have some benefit for single men and women in their early twenties?
Standford University in the USA did a study on how couples met each other between 1930 and 2024. The categories in the study were: family, school, friends, neighbours, church, bar/restaurant, college, co-workers and online.
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In 1930 the top two were family at 22.76% and school at 22.55%, with church not doing too badly at 10.32%. In 2024, meeting online gets a whooping 60.76% with meeting through friends trailing second at 13.86%, and church hanging in there at 2.12%.
So online is where it is at if you want to find Mr Darcy, but what if you are fed up of online matchmaking? What if you long to live out your best Bridgerton dreams, and be presented by your family as eligible for marriage? Also you get to wear a ball gown, and in our increasingly casual society, dressing up in a beautiful dress is fun in itself.
Maybe we can take some inspiration from around the world? Kristen Richardson, author of The Season, says debutante balls are booming in China and Russia and they are a big deal in some parts of the US. America inherited its debutante traditions from England, but in the 1920s the more democratic tradition of the high school prom became popular, a dance where attendance is open to everyone, not merely high-status families.
And it seems Australia has seen the ‘gap in the market’ for matchmaking young couples. In modern Australia, debutante balls (or colloquially “deb balls”) are usually organised by high schools, church groups or service clubs, such as Lions or Rotary. The girls who take part are in either Year 10, 11 or 12 at high school (i.e. aged between 15 and 18). The event is often used as a fund-raiser for local charities. As in old England, girls still wear long white dresses and are presented to their communities. Supporters say these balls give young women a chance to shine, while critics say they are sexist and outdated.
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In 2011 Chosen Books released an expanded version of Bible teacher, Derek Prince’s book ‘God is a matchmaker.’ He writes about seven biblical principles for finding a godly mate, sharing his own story of marrying his first wife Lydia, who was nearly twenty years older than him. I don’t know what he would say about deb balls, but I know that if God can using the internet to connect people, he can use a ball too!
How about if churches start a tradition of ‘deb balls’, getting the whole family involved, and providing a fun experience for young people to meet. My dad, born in 1934, was a ‘deb’s delight’ the male counterpart of the debutante. Although I am sure he had a lot of fun, it did not result in him finding a wife. He had to wait until he was forty, and had given his life to Christ, before he married my mother.
So who is up for organising a debutante ball?!
