Lex Renick on faith, identity, and transformation: 'God removed my dysphoria and renewed my life'

Jemimah Wright (JW): Can you tell us a bit about your childhood?

Lex Renick (LR): I grew up in California in a Christian household. My mum was white American and my dad was Japanese, Filipino and Korean. They were both doing ministry, but behind closed doors there was alcohol addiction and abuse. I became so angry at God, as I thought: “How could he exist and allow all these bad things to happen to me?” My parents divorced and I was raped at a very young age. That traumatic experience just opened this box of confusion. I was uncomfortable with men or women, because I was abused by both.

I remember Googling ‘I feel like I’m a boy trapped in a girl’s body’, and the word transgender came up. I realised I was not the only person that felt that way.

As puberty came, I felt so uncomfortable in my body. I wanted to unzip myself, open my body up and finally walk out. I would duct tape my chest just to make it flat. At the end of each day, I would undo the tape and my skin would come off. I still have some scars from that. 

I would duct tape my chest just to make it flat. At the end of each day, I would undo the tape and my skin would come off. I still have some scars from that.

I opened up to my family about my gender identity and sexuality around 13 years old. I will never forget my mum saying: “That’s why you are a freak.” When she said that, I just spiralled. I ended up attempting suicide three times. I struggled with self-harm and addiction as a young teenager. I got kicked out of my mum’s apartment and she told me to go and live with my dad.

JW: When did you start the transition into being male?

LR: I had to have parental consent to take testosterone before I was 18, but I started identifying as male at age twelve. I then took testosterone from age 18 for seven years. I lived as a male for 14 years.

I had a lot of anger and animosity towards God and Christians. So I ran to the queer community, and to other things like sex and drugs. A porn addiction had entered my life at a very young age. It felt good in the moment, but I just knew that there was something missing. 

When I was 17, after my third suicide attempt, my high school friend Kylie, kept inviting me to church. Finally, I was like: “You know what, I’m so at the end of myself, I’m ready to go.” 

I asked Kylie: “How do I give my life to Jesus? How do I worship?” She explained and when I was 17, I rededicated my life to the Lord. It was amazing, and although I continued to struggle, the Lord walked with me. He removed the porn addiction that I silently struggled with. He removed anger, animosity and resentment. God also told me to forgive my mother, just as he had forgiven me. 

JW: Were you still living as Austin (Lex’s former name while living as a man) then?

LR: Yes, I graduated high school and decided to join the army. I enlisted as a chaplain assistant, because, even though I was struggling with my gender identity and my sexuality, I loved God.

My army chaplain was a Baptist; he was never expecting that the Lord would send him a transgender, queer chaplain assistant! I knew that he believed the word of God, but he loved me so we had conversations on my terms, when I was ready. 

I became the man that never protected me during my sexual trauma as a kid

At this point I was on fire for God, I just didn’t realise that I was still in so much bondage because I bought into the lie that God made me this way, so it was fine to be Austin.

When I was living as Austin, God blessed me in so many different ways. He was proving to me that he was real. For example, I was diagnosed with a brain tumour on my pituitary gland, and I went to this prayer event at my church. As they were praying for me, God gave me deep joy. I knew he had healed me.

I’ll never forget when the doctor called me saying: “I don’t know how this is physically possible, but you have no brain tumour anymore.”

JW: What year did you leave the army and what did you do next?

LR: I was in for three years and was honourably discharged in 2018. I had become this macho, masculine army soldier. I became the man that never protected me during my sexual trauma as a kid. After, I moved back to my home town. There was a dock on a beautiful lake, which I called my prayer dock. One time, when I walked to the end of the dock, something felt different. I just knew I was going to have an encounter with the Lord. I fell on my face, crying as I was truly surrendering my sexuality. I prayed: “God, I’ve walked with you for years now. If being attracted to women, having sexual encounters with women, all this stuff is not according to your will, then I lay it at your feet. You have the power to do miracles, so change me, radically, please. Make me attracted to a man, physically, emotionally, sexually, spiritually.” I was crying because I had never been remotely attracted to a man; it disgusted me to even think about that. 

JW: Wow. So how did you meet your husband?

LR: One week later I was at a coffee shop, and the Lord told me: “Go downstairs and sit at the biggest table.” I went downstairs. Suddenly this young man came in, sat at the piano and started playing. He was so musically gifted. While he was playing, I was praying to God: “I don’t know why you told me to come down here. I’m so distracted by this cute guy.”

I had no idea of God’s plan. After, the guy walked by and talked to the barista, who happened to be my roommate. He said: “I don’t know why I’m here; the Spirit just led me here.”

I asked: “Do you want to talk about the Holy Spirit?” We ended up talking for hours about the gifts of the Spirit. Nic had recently accepted Christ, and eventually he said: “I am going to go home and ask the Lord to give me the gift of tongues.”

We had prayed for the renewal of our minds, and he renewed my physical body as well

At a later date, I took Nic to the dock. We just kept saying the word “Wow”, because we had so much in common and there was this attraction. It all just clicked. We were engaged three months later and married six months after that. On this journey, there were questions; I wanted to know if how we were living was right as a gay couple. Nic just kept saying: “Seek the Lord about that.”

JW: What happened next?

LR: Nic got a great job and the Lord told us to move to Tennessee; his company paid for me to travel with him. When I was in our hotel room, Nic encouraged me to make it like a furnace room for the Lord and seek him for my answer about my sexuality. I was going to pray, fast, do whatever God told me to do, and just be in his presence. 

When Nic left for work I fell on my face tearfully praying: “God, if my identity as a male is something that I need to surrender, if I’ve made my identity an idol, and I didn’t even realise it, and you want me to identify as a woman, I will do it. If that means I have to surrender my marriage, I’m willing to, to obey you.” 

The Lord just said: “Austin, do you trust me with this?” He was just waiting for me to fully surrender. He asked: “Why do you think that I cannot remove this dysphoria? Why are you limiting me? Trust me with this and follow.” 

My husband came back to the hotel room, and he could see I had just had this encounter, because I was emotional. When I told him, I wept because I knew that I could possibly lose my marriage. I said: “I have to love Jesus more, so this is your out, because you never signed up to have a wife. You thought that you were marrying a man. I don’t know what my life’s going to look like, but I know that I have to choose God above this marriage.”

Nic replied: “I’m not leaving you, but I believe now that as your husband, if you are my wife, then the Lord’s going to speak to me too, so I’m going to go seek the Lord.”

He came back a little later with a deep confidence. He said: “It’s going to be all good, because you’re not doing this in your strength. God is calling you to do it. It’s going to be so much easier than you think and it’s going to absolutely wow doctors.”

JW: You had early signs of cancer at this time; can you tell us more about that?

LR: From the years of taking testosterone, I started having cancer grow in my uterus. Prior to meeting Nic I would have to get bi-weekly biopsies of the cancerous cells. When Nic and I got together, they wanted me to get a hysterectomy. I almost signed the papers, but Nic said: “No, we’re going to pray about it for a year.”

When I went for my annual check-up a year later the doctor came in and said: “I need to see how bad the cancer is, because we really do need to get to your hysterectomy.” When she scanned my uterus, she said: “This doesn’t make sense.” She looked in again and commented: “There is no sign of any cancerous cells in your uterus at all. Your uterus looks brand new.” 

I began crying, praising Jesus. We had prayed for the renewal of our minds, and he renewed my physical body as well. 

I gave birth to our miracle daughter, Iris, in December 2023, three months after I got off testosterone completely. Now I’m pregnant with baby number two, due February 2025.

JW: What would you say to say to a transgender male Christian who thinks: “There’s no hope, this is who I am?” 

LR: When you walk with Jesus, it requires sacrifice and surrender. If you’re clinging on to things – and there are so many things in the world that can be an idol – part of walking with Jesus is laying down your life fully, denying yourself, choosing to pick up your cross daily and follow him, and that requires trust. So I would ask: “Do you trust God with this?” I can’t guarantee that he’s going to instantly change your heart, because everyone’s journey is different. But my husband and I are living, breathing, walking testimonies that what the world gives is so much less compared to the fullness of what you can have in Christ. 

JW: Can you tell us a bit about what you and your husband are doing now? 

LR: We have a travelling coffee ministry where we go out and preach the good news and share our testimonies. One of the values of our ministry is encounter. We believe that everyone deserves an encounter with God. We believe that we are called to equip the body of Christ to make sure that the rejection we found in the Church never happens again. We created tools to share with ministry leaders and church organisations on how to love the trans and LGBTQ community effectively. It’s awesome that we get to do this full time and to share the love of God.

* Gender dysphoria is a term for the unease or dissatisfaction that some people feel because of a mismatch between their biological sex and their gender identity.

To find out more about Lex’ ministry visit: revivetravelingministry