Let’s not be afraid of our sexuality

I believe God wants us to be completely comfortable as sexual beings. If we are not at ease with our sexuality and do not have a healthy perspective of it when we are single, then we are unlikely to fully embrace our sexuality if we get married. To begin with, as singles I believe that God wants us to be completely confident in our God-fashioned gender role. To cherish, honour and celebrate it and to see God reflected through it. Fully embracing our gender is one of the strongest expressions of our sexuality; for men to be men, and women to be women, without violating, stifling or distorting our God-given gender traits.

Fully embracing our gender is one of the strongest expressions of our sexuality

Personally, I long to see God’s integrity, tenacity, His protection, His strength and His fortitude displayed through the men of this generation. I want to see righteous, noble men, who own their masculinity and stay true to the attributes associated with their gender: such as taking the lead, governing, being protective, being proactive, being strong, yet honouring and humble. Please note I am not insinuating that all men must be muscular, super macho or beat their chests like Tarzan to embrace their manhood. Simply, that they fully walk in their God-ordained posture of confident masculinity.

Therefore, I would love to see men released to protect, to pursue, to provide and to take full responsibility for their families. I want to see them assert confidence, walking with boldness and masculine swag. I want to see men smitten with their wives. I want to see single brothers unashamedly demonstrating their holy desires as they seek the companionship of a wife in their lives. I want to see men so God-centred in their masculinity that they can honourably appreciate a woman’s beauty as an image bearer of Christ, without succumbing to lust.

In the same way, I long to see God’s beauty, tenderness, charm and passion fully demonstrated in a woman’s femininity. I believe God’s strength, gentleness, vulnerability, maternal heart and grace are attributes that women naturally display. I also believe women who are comfortable with being sexual beings while walking in holiness and honour are a blessing to witness.

Released to be hot and holy

I believe it is healthy for women to embrace their inner sexiness (for want of a better word) that they carry — rather than repress it. Please understand I am not promoting a sensual, lustful, overt sexiness but rather, a feminine confidence that comes from fully embracing every part of the way we have been wired. For me, an unashamed awareness of sexuality, when stewarded with purity and holiness, radiates beauty, grace, confidence and poise. Personally, this took me a long time to understand.

As a born-again Christian I was led to believe that my sexuality was a residue of my past life of promiscuity. So, I consecrated it, yielded it to God and expected it to eventually disappear as I matured in my faith and as I got delivered from all my junk. But it refused to go away. Still, I did not pay it much attention, until God began to stir some things up in me that I could no longer ignore. No matter how hard I tried, I could not shake off the sense that the more I walked in purity and hung out with Jesus, the more my femininity blossomed. The more my sexuality was stirred up. It was not anything like the sexual awareness I had experienced as a non-believer, which had been merely skin deep, untamed and illicit. With Jesus, I felt fully alive. I felt as if I was experiencing a sexual awakening of the most holy kind. I felt desirable on the inside.

The more I walked in purity and hung out with Jesus, the more my femininity blossomed

I clearly remember applying my make up one morning and suddenly in a childlike, innocent way, with butterflies in my stomach, I found myself asking Jesus if I was sexy. I was not being profane. I was not being irreverent. It was intimate. Deep: a holy moment. It was a question that can only come out of a yada relationship: that place of confiding. Transparency. Sharing secrets. Being vulnerable. Knowing one another intimately. After all, who else was I going to ask? Only Jesus, my Lord and Saviour, the lover of my soul, could tell me if this sacred awakening that was bubbling up inside of me was by God’s design. As I posed the question, although He did not respond, I sensed the twinkle in His eyes and the smile on His face.

At a worship festival a few days later, a new friend randomly told me that I was sexy. It is not really what you expect to hear at a worship gathering, right? I smiled. I sensed it was Jesus responding to me. He confirmed it a few days later when He clearly spoke this into my heart. “Bobs, after all these years of being in love with Me, of being sold out to righteousness and to the beauty of purity, if your womanly sass still hasn’t left, I think we can agree that it’s here to stay.” Wow! I experienced so much freedom in that moment! How deliciously refreshing and liberating, right? My womanliness and femininity was a God-ordained part of my identity — that He wanted me to embrace! Even as a single woman!

This article is based on an extract from Bobbi’s book Sacred Sexuality.