Female friendships are a gift for those married or single. Maxine Harrison looks at the trend of making a ’covenant’ friendship with a best friends to mark the significance of the friendship.
Christian influencer Amanda Pittman recently said in a YouTube video that she has made a covenant with her best friend. In the video, Amanda tells her bestie, ‘I don’t have to worry about our friendship falling apart because I’ve made a decision that I’m going to be friends with you for life.’
Addressing those who say these types of covenants should only be made in marriage, the wife and mother of two says: ‘That’s possible to live that way, but you also could be missing out.’
Society often advertises marriage or romantic relationships as the only place for true intimacy.
Society often advertises marriage or romantic relationships as the only place for true intimacy. And while you should be able to be completely open with your partner (after all, Mark 10:8-9 says you are two becoming one flesh), biblically, marriage is not the only relationship that has the capacity to reflect intimacy.
The Oxford Language Dictionary defines intimacy as “close familiarity or friendship”. Platonic relationships, like friendships, can also possess powerful intimacy, sometimes in ways that a spousal relationship cannot. Hence why, people still need friends and community post-marriage. Your spouse is not the beginning and end of intimacy.
When we come to Christ, we enter a covenant with God to serve him, and as we draw near we develop an intimate relationship with him.
As Christians, God fulfils our ultimate intimate needs. When we come to Christ, we enter a covenant with God to serve him, and as we draw near we develop an intimate relationship with him. This is true of any close relationship we have.
Unfortunately, I think that in today’s society, the widening of the term ‘friends’ on social media to include people we don’t know has led to a watering down of meaningful friendships. It clouds the view of what true relational intimacy is in friendship.
When we look at the Bible, there are various encouraging examples to not just preserve intimacy for marriage but to also pursue it in friendships. Jonathan and David are great examples of this. The best friends were so close that they made a covenant with one another. 1 Samuel 18:3 reads: “And Jonathan made a covenant with David because he loved him as himself”. Jonathan was also even prepared to go against his father Saul to protect David (1 Samuel 19:4).
A covenant is defined as an agreement by lease, deed, or other legal contract. It is to be treated seriously and not taken lightly by the parties involved.
Speaking on her friendship covenant further, Amanda Pittman said: ‘In a generation where people are so quick to throw things away, in times that are tough, if you have someone’s word that they will love you and they have the character to back it up… that can give you the assurance that you can make it through anything.’
Giving insight into what it’s like practically to make a covenant with someone else, the influencer transparently shares:
‘Any covenant relationship you have, apart from God… you have no control over them [the other party] holding their word. You only have control over you keeping your word.’
Author and content creator Trinity Mitchell also advocates for close friendships. Through her Instagram @YourFriendTrin, Trinity teaches people what good friendship looks like. Also a wife and mother, she posts conversation templates to help friends communicate better such as: ‘How can I be a better friend to you in this season of your life?’ and ‘Having your presence in my life has made my life better. Thank you’ are examples of this.
Read more on friendship
What I’ve learnt about friendship from 12 years at the school gate and how the Bible helps
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The phrase “Communication is key” is often used in relation to marriage. But the reality is, this applies to any relationship you truly value and want to build intimacy in.
Both Amanda and Trinity are examples of married women who still believe in the true value of close friendship. This is especially encouraging to see, as there often seems to be an overshadowing of friendship once people get married.
Galatians 6:2 speaks about the importance of deep friendships and community: “Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfil the law of Christ”. We should be reminded that as Christians, whilst boundaries are good and necessary, we should avoid running away from friendship intimacy completely. As Amanda says, we could be missing out on something great if we neglect that.
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