GREAT SEXPECTATIONS: I want to marry a Christian man, but there are not many!

Dear Woman Alive 

I have just become a Christian, and I want to marry a Christian man, but since joining church, I realise there are not many of them, and the ones I do meet, I am not attracted to. Before I gave my life to Jesus there were literally plenty of fish in the sea, now my options are significantly reduced. Is this something I should be worried about, is there action of need to take, or do I leave it all in God’s hands. I am new to faith, and I literally don’t know how I am supposed to respond to this. Can you help?

Dear Reader

Well done on making the decision to recommit your life to the Lord. It’s a great thing to follow Jesus, and live out his purposes.

It’s also good to read that you desire to marry a Christian. The Bible says it’s better to marry than to burn (1 Corinthians 7) and that the marriage bed is honourable and undefiled (Hebrews 13:4).

I get the impression that prior to renewing your faith you socialised in environments where the male/female ratio was balanced. As you are currently experiencing, not enough churches have been successful in attracting men to the faith – hence the gender imbalance, which in turn can make it difficult for single Christian women to find a find a partner.  You state you’re not attracted to any of the Christian men you’ve met so far – let me add the caveat ‘not yet!!!’

You state you’re not attracted to any of the Christian men you’ve met so far – let me add the caveat ‘not yet!!!’

I don’t think at this phase in your Christian walk, you should be unduly worried about the lack of men in the church circles you currently socialise in, but if, you definitely want to get married I don’t think you should just ‘leave it all in God’s hand either.’ Oftentimes leaving things in God’s hands is a spiritual sounding reason to do nothing. That’s not a good way to live as we must be active participants in achieving our goals, this includes getting married.

Be mindful, the fact that you are a new Christian can work in your favour.  People love to befriend and support new converts.

I would encourage you to attend events at your local church like Bible study, prayer services, conventions, and conferences. Not only will this help to build your faith, and understanding of God’s word, but becoming a familiar face in your congregation will help you build friendships with people of all ages as well as with the opposite sex.

I would also encourage you to volunteer to serve at Christian events – whether at your church or for a Christian organisation

I would also encourage you to volunteer to serve at Christian events – whether at your church or for a Christian organisation – you’ll learn new skills and meet new people. Plus, if people like you they’ll introduce you to their friendship group, which will help to broaden your social circle and increase your chances of meeting a spouse. You may also want to sign up with a dating site. There are several around and can provide a good way to meet people.

As you are young, free and single, accept opportunities to travel and do things that entail meeting others. All kinds of positive things can happen when you are just enjoying your life, serving the Lord and making the most of it.

Aside from broadening your social circle, it’s important to exhibit qualities that make a woman attractive to the opposite such as being kind, friendly, fun, relaxed, interesting and a lover of God.

In closing, let me state that you could do all of the above and still not find a partner – so first and foremost it’s important to keep your eyes firmly fixed on Jesus Christ. Doing so will help you deal with the pain and crushing disappointment that can arise when the search/desire for a marriage partner is not successful.

It’s also good to ask the Lord if he wants you to be married. Sometimes God wants single Christian to focus on serving him for a season. Finding out the Lord’s purpose for you in this area of life can help save you years of aimless wandering, unfulfilling relationships and heartache.

Wishing you success in your desire to find love. 

Our Great Sexpectations column is written by a number of different contributors who make up the Woman Alive panel. If you have a question for us, email: womanalive@premier.org,uk

If any of these issues have affected you, you can call Premier Lifeline for support. Premier Lifeline is a national, confidential helpline offering a listening ear, emotional and spiritual support from a Christian perspective. If you would like someone to talk with and pray for you, call Premier Lifeline on 0300 111 0101.