‘God loved me and met me in the darkest place of my life’

I was born in Australia and when I was five we came to live in England. My mum is Portuguese and my dad from New Zealand. When I was eight, I went to go to Crofton Baptist Church with Mum. I picked up a leaflet called Highway to Heaven and, when I read it at home in my bedroom the Holy Spirit moved my heart, I believed Jesus died for my sins and so I said a prayer to receive Jesus as my Lord and Saviour. 

Bitter disappointment

As I got older, tennis took over my life, and church got boring for me. It wasn’t like I stopped believing in God, but I didn’t have an ongoing relationship with him. 

When I was 16 I moved to Portugal to pursue tennis professionally, but I had to stop training when I twisted my pelvis from lifting a heavy suitcase badly and then went on a trampoline (not a good mix). My back was put out and I couldn’t walk for three days.

Over the next six months I went to see physiotherapists, chiropractors and osteopaths, but none of them could help me. I was so depressed as I couldn’t do the two things I loved; play tennis and dancing. I felt all alone and without hope. 

Compelled to respond

We moved back to the UK and one Sunday my mum told me that I had to go to church with her. I didn’t want to go so we had a huge argument. She won, I went, but I did not listen to a word of the service. Once it was finished I felt relieved that I could finally go home. 

People started to mingle and chat as they do after a service, then I saw a man go up to the front and grab the mic and say: “I feel God wants to heal someone here with a sore back!” As soon as he said those words, my whole body lit up with pins and needles and heat! I thought to myself: “There is no way I am going up to the front!”

As I thought that, my legs inched me off my chair, but I pushed back to sit down; my legs then pushed me forward again and I pushed back again, and then the third time my legs thrust me onto my feet and walked me to the front. Once there, a lady prayed a simple prayer for me.

The next day, when I woke up, I was completely healed! I couldn’t believe it, and still remember running to school to tell all my friends about it. 

Hearing God clearly

At that point I started to hear the audible voice of God. Nobody pushed me to seek God, but the encounters I was having with him made me seek after him even more. God told me that tennis was not my calling, which was very difficult to receive. I fought so hard to hold onto it. 

God then gave me a vision to start a band. I had no musical experience other than learning to play the guitar when I was younger, so it was a leap of faith but I just went with it. I wish I could say it all went super smoothly from then on but it didn’t. 

Being found in the darkness

In my mid-20s I had a huge heartbreak with a potential life partner, which I blamed on God. I saw the prophetic misused and manipulated, and in time I started to close my heart off to God as I couldn’t understand why he allowed these things to happen. This led me to slowly drift from away from him. 

I was in the place of ‘doing’ not ‘being’ and I was hurting. Deep down I felt betrayed by God, but didn’t know how to be real with it or process it, as I was living in denial. As I drifted, I had unhealthy relationships, lost who I was and began being what others wanted me to be. 

At that point I thought God didn’t want me as I wasn’t living up to the ‘standard’ that I believed I should have been. But it was in that place of darkness that God met me. He came to that very place and spoke to me clearly. 

God told me that tennis was not my calling, which was very hard to receive

He said: “You have seen the world and you have seen me – you can choose, what do you want?” It is weird to think God gave me a choice, but that is exactly what I needed to hear. In John 6, Jesus told his disciples who had been walking with him that they had the choice to turn back if they wanted to or could continue to follow him (vv66–67). 

The fact that God loved me and met me in the darkest place of my life, and gave me the same choice, was life-giving to me. 

I chose him and haven’t looked back since. The love of God has completely undone me. My identity is secure in Christ, I am the beloved daughter of God and I am on a beautiful path of what it looks like to be one with him. God has called me a ‘heart healer’, someone who helps others receive freedom, to see their hearts healed and whole.

Stepping into my true calling

I am now in full-time ministry, working part-time at Oasis Church in Colliers Wood as a community and worship leader. Prophetic worship music is my main calling, and seeing people discipled through that. Each week I go out on the streets with others to worship and pray for people.

We see God move every time we go out. People are getting saved weekly and miracles are happening! For example, I ended up praying for a nurse recently as I could see she wasn’t OK. She had never had anyone pray for her before and as I prayed God started to show me things about her.

She was flabbergasted, not understanding how I could know those things. I then went on to tell her about God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit, and asked her if she wanted to receive Jesus into her heart. She said yes, we prayed together and I asked for the Holy Spirit to fill her. As I did the Holy Spirit fell on her and she started to speak in tongues and physically felt so light. She couldn’t believe it and was so happy! 

I know that it is only through God’s grace and mercy that I am here doing what I am doing today.