Fostering is a calling for the whole Church

“Deep down, we always knew we’d foster,” Jo shares. “Ever since we were married we’ve had an open house, with people constantly coming and going. Hospitality is core to who we are.” For Jo and husband, Steve, there wasn’t a specific moment when they sensed God calling them to foster. It was a steady, growing realisation that welcoming vulnerable children into their home was an obvious thing to do; a progression of the gifts God had given them and a natural expression of the home they had found in his inclusive, accepting kingdom. “We wanted to open our doors to the lost, the lonely, the abandoned, the orphan, just as God has flung wide his doors to us.” 

In 2015 as part of her work with Big Ministries – supporting churches in making the message of God’s love accessible to every child – Jo and Steve volunteered to run the children’s programme at a conference for Home for Good, a charity enabling individuals and churches to respond to the needs of children in care. Here, they came face to face with children who were adopted or fostered, many of whom had specific emotional needs and attachment disorders. The joy and strain carried by foster carers and adoptive parents became very real: “We really wanted to find ways to support them,” Jo explains. As parents of three young children themselves, Jo and Steve knew first-hand the intensity of raising children, but became increasingly aware of how much more adoptive parents and foster carers must be pouring out on a daily basis.

We needed ongoing support, but it seemed to have dried up

Despite this awareness, Jo and Steve were spurred on rather than deterred: “We knew the challenges but also knew this is what Jesus would do.” So, when Steve’s job with the Church of England in Birmingham came to an end in 2017, affording him more time, the couple took the leap and applied to be foster carers. It was clear to both Jo and Steve that it would be wise to foster babies rather than older children. With their three children, now eight, six and five, they wanted to take in little ones who their children could have a role in looking after, should they want to. “We knew this needed to be a family vision. We all needed to be on board,” Jo explains, describing the moment they sat down and had a conversation with their kids. “We began explaining to them that there are some children who don’t have a family who is safe and, before we’d finished, our middle child, who oozes empathy, said: ‘They could come and live with us!’” The feeling in the Squires’ household was unanimous: they should open their home. It was as obvious to the children as it was to Jo and Steve.

The intense, invasive application process – comprising of paperwork, interviews and training – took twelve months to complete. “We were accepting of it, knowing why it needed to be so rigorous to ensure safe environments for vulnerable children, but it was also very draining,” Jo reflects. “We knew we were capable parents, and that God had called our whole family and would therefore give us what we needed for the task. We had prayed and prepared emotionally as best we could, so there was a sense in which we just wanted to get on with it!”

The call 

Two weeks after being approved as foster carers, Jo and Steve received the call. A little girl had been born. She was in intensive care in hospital, recovering from drug abuse in the womb. Could they care for her? There was no hesitation. Steve spent the next two weeks in the hospital nursing her through withdrawal and at five weeks old they brought her home. “It was strange, suddenly having a baby at home with us, without the build up we’d previously experienced through pregnancy and birth, but it all kicked back in, and it didn’t take long before she felt like ours.” 

The Squires cared for this little baby for six months before she was adopted by a biological family member. “At times it was chaos, but we felt well supported initially, with people bringing meals and that sort of thing.” It became clear to Jo and Steve very early on that the support of the wider community was essential in enabling them to cope and thrive as foster parents, support that seemed to dwindle somewhat by the arrival of their second foster child. “By the time we welcomed in a third baby – who we had with us for the first two years of her life – we felt like we were fighting by ourselves,” Jo shares. “We needed ongoing support, but it seemed to have dried up.” 

Alongside the privilege and joys of journeying with this child through all her early milestones, the third fostering experience took a toll on the whole family. “Our kids had to grow up fast. The first baby we took in was easier, she was so tiny and cute, and the second was only for a few months. But by the third it was harder, and we could tell our birth children needed more of our attention. We needed the support of people around us. Not necessarily asking: ‘What do you need?’ as often we didn’t know what we needed! But making suggestions: ‘Let me bring you a meal’ or ‘How about I take your kids to the park for an hour?’” 

However intense the emotional roller coaster of fostering, by far the hardest part was having to say goodbye. “Another foster carer once said to us: ‘Prepare to have your heart broken every six months.’ They were right. Despite being assured that all three children were going on to the best places for them, the experience of them leaving was traumatic. A deep grief, three times over.” Jo and Steve had assurance that God would walk with them through their grief: “He had asked us to do this, so we knew he would help us recover,” Jo shares.

 Wisdom and a wider calling

Jo explains that the same wisdom required in responding to God’s call to foster is needed in knowing when to step back for a season. “It’s worth it. Even for one child, it’s worth it. But it’s also important to know when you as a family need a break.” Jo and Steve aren’t fostering at the moment, but they still feel a strong sense of calling to respond to the needs of children in care through supporting those who are on the front line. “This is a wider calling for the Church. The whole church community is needed, and we’re all called to support in some way.” 

Even for one child, it’s worth it

Jo urges us to consider how God might be calling us to respond. “Don’t ignore God’s prompting if he’s laying fostering on your heart. Talk to anyone you know who has fostered and ask every question you have – no question is stupid! Be open to responding. And if it’s not something God’s calling you to, then consider how you or your church can mobilise to support those who are.” 

Words by Jane Knoop.

You can listen to the WA podcast episode on fostering and adoption on Premier plus here or on Spotify and Apple podcasts.