Drug addiction nearly cost me my life

Callie’s childhood was characterised by chaos. In the terraced house on a council estate in Sunderland where she grew up, Callie would play with her toys to a backdrop of domestic abuse, police raids and drug-infused raves. It was her normal; hiding with her brother in an upstairs cupboard while chairs were thrown downstairs, or coming home from school to find her mum being held against the wall by a stranger with a knife to her neck. 

“Looking back, it was really traumatic,” Callie shares. “Physically, I had what I needed, but none of my emotional needs were met. I felt rejected, unworthy and unloved.” Often left fending for herself, Callie acted older than she was, embracing independence and autonomy and pushing back against authority. “I was labelled as a naughty child from really young. I know now that I just wanted attention; it didn’t even matter what kind of attention it was.” 

The call of bells

On Sunday mornings, Callie would hear the sound of church bells from her bedroom; a comforting, contrasting sound to the noise of the night before. One morning, when Callie was about eight years old, something compelled her to follow the sound, creeping out the house and running round the corner to the Methodist church on the estate. This became a weekly habit, rocking up at the door of the church, where a kind, observant woman had noticed her and would wait for her to arrive. “It was the first time I’d experienced this sort of genuine love. I always thought adults would hurt me, but at that church the adults were kind and gentle.” 

By the age of eleven Callie was addicted to drugs and her Bible was discarded

Callie felt captivated by these people and the God they worshipped, who seemed to infuse their lives with love, security and joy; everything she lacked and craved. For her next birthday Callie asked for a Bible, but her request was met with an abrupt “No”. “I must have asked often and in front of others, because one day mum’s friend brought me a Bible – a Good News Bible, with a picture of a rainbow on the front. It’s the only birthday present I remember. I read it secretly in my room while chaos was going on downstairs and was so fascinated by Jesus; the way he loved and healed people.”

Causing chaos herself

Sadly, the snares of the lifestyle surrounding her were strong, and by the age of eleven Callie was addicted to drugs and her Bible was discarded. “One day my mum told me to stay in my room. I heard men come in and go up to the loft. I wanted to know what was up there, so as soon as they left I went up and found stacks of cannabis. I stole some and started making joints.” It didn’t take long for Callie to become addicted; a product of the lifestyle she had been exposed to. Through her early teenage years, she spiralled out of control, absent from school, moving from cannabis to class A drugs, living in caravans and continually in trouble with the police. “I pushed everyone away by being so angry and aggressive, because I was so insecure. Even my family had written me off.”

Periodically throughout her childhood, Callie would visit her father at his home in Cornwall. There she experienced another way of life. “There would be hot meals on the table and a routine. I didn’t want to be sent back.” When in Cornwall, Callie felt temporarily settled, but it wasn’t enough to settle her soul, which continued to rage and self-destruct. 

In a desperate attempt to escape the lifestyle she was trapped in, at the age of 22 Callie got pregnant. “I thought that having a baby would stop me using. I knew that I wouldn’t put my own kids through the things I went through.”  

I thought that having a baby would snap me out of it and stop me using

When her son was born, Callie moved back in with her mum and, softened by the arrival of this precious life, swore she’d never use drugs again. But her addiction was stronger than her will and within weeks she was using again, frequently abandoning the baby with her mum and pursuing her next fix. Within 14 months Callie gave birth to another child, and although she thought she was in a stable relationship and able to cope with the demands of mothering, more havoc ensued. “I caused more chaos for my babies than my mum ever did for me,” she confesses. One day she left her children with a friend and didn’t come back. “Everyone was looking for me for days: Mum, my friends, social services, the police. Eventually they found me unresponsive in a crack house. I was taken to hospital and put on life support. Everyone thought I was going to die.” 

Undeterred by her brush with death, when Callie came round, she pulled the life-saving tubes from her arms and left, still in her hospital gown, in pursuit of the drugs that were killing her and walking into an even more convoluted life of crime and self-destruction. 

Prison – and transformation 

In 2017 Callie was serving a prison sentence – not for the first time – for drug dealing and petty crime. With no other distraction from her withdrawal symptoms, Callie lay on her prison bed and read a book she’d been given, Once an Addict by Barry Woodward (Authentic Media). “I read it from cover to cover and felt something come over me. The man in the book was like me, but he’d met Jesus and his whole life had changed. I couldn’t stop thinking about this man.” Desperate for change and compelled by the Holy Spirit, Callie slipped onto her knees on the hard prison floor. “I asked God to come to me if he was real. And he did. That day, the Holy Spirit came to me and I knew I was changed.” 

Embracing the drastic transformation, after her release Callie moved in with her family in Cornwall and began six months of rehabilitation in a Christian facility. “I walked in and saw the word ‘God’ written on the wall. I knew he was working in me and I knew I was in the right place.” As God slowly and gently began his work of healing in Callie’s heart – enabling her to experience profound acceptance, forgiveness and love for the first time – she prepared for a court case to win back custody of her children, who had been living with their paternal grandmother for two years. 

“I was desperate to get them back, but everyone told me it was impossible seeing as my past was so crazy.” But as the court date approached Callie was informed that all her files had been lost. Without her past formally documented, the judge had to asses her in her current state. “I was doing so well at this point. Those who knew me couldn’t believe how much I’d changed. I’d even got my own place. I told them it was all God, but they thought I was mad.” Against the odds of her past, Callie’s two children, aged four and five, were returned to her care and despite the overwhelming task of the transition – never having paid bills or operated a washing machine before – she thrived. “I wouldn’t have been able to do it without the Holy Spirit. The Bible says he teaches us all things, and he really does.”

Rainbow promise

Over the course of the next five years, hand in hand with God, Callie built a life that was unrecognisable from her past – characterised by love, forgiveness and reconciliation, as she healed internally and restored her relationship with her mum. Callie even experienced financial stability for the first time, as she poured her sass and determination into business and discovered that she is a gifted entrepreneur. 

In 2022 Callie sensed God calling her to make some dramatic sacrifices: “I heard him tell me to move to Middlesborough and start a Christian retreat.” Obediently Callie moved to North Yorkshire with her children, studying counselling at university during the day and using her gifts as an evangelist on the streets at night, awaiting God’s next part of the vision. 

As she encountered girls and women on the streets of Middlesborough, broken and alone as she once was, she knew her calling was to them. In a dream God showed her a house that would become Rainbow Promise, a safe haven for women and girls escaping desperate circumstances – named after the rainbow on the Bible that Callie was given as a child.

Still in the first year of existence, Rainbow Promise has already seen over 30 women come through the door. Whether seeking refuge from homelessness, escaping domestic violence, a life of addiction or wanting to build a new life after prison, these women are offered hope at the feet of Jesus. “When I look at them, I see my younger self,” Callie shares, “and I want them to know that they are worth so much. I never had rest, but Jesus offers lasting rest and a place where they will never be rejected.”

Rainbow Promise NE, & Yorkshire CIC is a faith-based supported housing for women who are struggling with addiction and homelessness.