Christian marriage is important for the Church

Marriage goes right back to the garden. God did not think it was good for man to be alone and so he made a “helper suitable for him” (Genesis 2:18); Eve. The word ‘helper’ can be perceived as being a bit derogatory in English, as if a wife’s sole existence is to help out her husband – who does the more important tasks. However a look at the Hebrew, Ezer kenegdo, or ‘suitable helper’, shows that this is a word that God actually uses to refer to himself (see, for example, Psalm 33:20). 

The word ezer is indicative of just what a powerful force a Christian marriage can be. It’s part of God’s original design. So should single women reading this rush out to find a man ASAP because it’s an essential part of being a Christian? Well, no. 

Paul’s message for single people

In 1 Corinthians 7:8-9 Paul says: “Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: it is good for them to stay unmarried, as I do. But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion.” 

Paul speaks very positively about remaining single, while being realistic that it’s part of being human to have the desire for another. I’m a married woman, with one child, and I’m keenly aware of how this role pulls me into the world. 

I sometimes look at my single friends, or even the ones who are divorced, and from an outside perspective it looks like they are able to focus more on God than I am. Of course we can’t generalise, but we can definitely say that single people are a blessing to the Church. They may have more time and energy to dedicate to church activities. Also, without the daily present of a husband or children they may feel more keenly the hole that only God can really fill and seek him out more. However, it’s clear from the way God designed us that for many, marriage is key to a happy, good life. 

Let’s focus on the right thing  

It seems that in many churches these days, the assumption is that marriage is best for everyone despite what Paul writes to the contrary. Some Christians have reported that the Church can be a lonely place for singles, and some single women have felt they’ve been treated with suspicion. They have felt the Church was overly keen to matchmake and get people ‘married off’.

As a Brit living in Italy, my experience in my small, recently planted, English-speaking evangelical church has been very different. Most of the congregation are single, and have only recently travelled to Italy for work and study. I feel quite at home as a married woman, with a husband who has recently started believing but isn’t going to church yet. 

It hasn’t been like that in all the churches that I tried. At a church I used to go to, the American pastor once greeted me with a “hello y’all,’’ not even noticing the fact that I had arrived alone and my husband wasn’t with me! My husband had only been to my baptism and the Christmas service, but somehow it was assumed that we came as a family package. 

It’s a wonderful thing when a family follows Jesus together, and its members sit happily next to one another in the pews each Sunday. However, real life is often much more complicated and nobody should be made to feel they are worth less because they arrive at church without a husband. 

In a fallen world, life does not always live up to God’s perfect design. Some women never meet the man they want to marry, while some end up divorced or widowed. Some become Christian later in life, after multiple relationships. While God designed us to be with another, there are spiritual forces in operation in this world that have other plans.

Ultimately as a Church we are here to encourage other believers, and rescue the lost. When I read in the book of Acts about how numbers were added to them every day, I feel the discrepancy between the early Church and most modern-day churches. Perhaps if we became as obsessed with sharing the gospel as some churches are with marrying off their existing congregation, we might see a few more men come through the doors – and maybe even a few more happy marriages.